Lullaby
by mog.the.forgetful.moogle
Summary: Beca is working hard a junior music producer when a familiar and haunting voice drifts back into her life again. At first she can't place it, and when she finally does she's in for quite a few surprises. So much has changed about the woman she once knew, what will she do once she finds out why? And what part will she play in reconciling her with her troublesome past? (Also on AO3)
1. Life As We Know It

Beca's chin was resting in her hand, her fingers drumming lightly against her cheek as she listened to the same 5 second snippet of music for what felt like the millionth time that morning. She frowned and slipped her headphones off, pressing her fingers into her eyes hard to try and shift the gritty tiredness from them.

"I dunno Jerry" she sighed to the man sitting in the mixing booth with her. "It's just not working yet, just that one bit. Something's a little off…but I can't figure it out."

Jerry raised his eyebrows slightly. "What? Beca Mitchell doesn't have an answer?" He grinned as she scowled at him. "I'll just go check outside for flying pigs, hang on." He rose from his seat and she snapped "Smartass!" at him as he went, trying to kick his shins on the way. He laughed, hopping out of her way.

"Coffee?" He asked. She nodded then yawned, as though even the suggestion had brought her tiredness to the forefront of her mind.

"Coffee would be a start." She nodded. Jerry slipped from the booth to find the largest possible latte for her, and Beca turned back to the mixing console and pulled her headphones on once more.

Beca Mitchell had been working hard in the five years since graduating college and had gotten herself placed in a reputable recording company in LA as a result. Not a massive name but not the bottom of the pile either, and she'd already worked her way up enough that she was being given production responsibilities for some of their bigger clients. She put in a lot of hours each day, earned her stripes and she was starting to feel like she might be getting somewhere. She didn't feel like she'd 'made it' yet, there was a long way to go and she was notoriously hard on herself, but she was independent, had her own place to live, could be classed as 'financially comfortable' and was generally living like the adult she had aspired to be.

But some days…some days she felt like she was searching for something she'd never be able to find. Just one more thing she couldn't identify, which irked her. She was so used to knowing herself and knowing her way that the fact she may be at a loss for…something, it niggled away at her brain and popped up at inconvenient times to distract her.

Today was a 'distracted' day. She grumpily jabbed a button to replay the music track from the beginning, figuring that perhaps the context of the entire track might make a difference. It didn't help that it was a very intense album they were working on, and this particular track was very soulful, something about it was making her feel uncomfortable. She listened as the music built and reached a swell, the female voice deep and full of emotion. She focussed on the chord progression rather than the lyrics, and she began to frown again.

Jerry returned with the coffees just as Beca moved her cursor to isolate the music clip again. He tugged one side of her earphones down so she could hear him and said "I know that look. You've solved it haven't you?"

"Maybe…" she muttered, her eyes unfocused as she continued to listen. Jerry pretended to sulk at her and pouted.

"I think you sent me away for coffee to get me out of the way, then take all of the credit for this yourself. That's the whole reason you send me for drinks and snacks isn't it?" He managed to put on a mock hurt expression. Beca rolled her eyes at him and shushed the whining. After another few playbacks she slapped him on the shoulder and announced triumphantly "Yep I've got it now!" She looked so smug with herself that Jerry had to smirk a little.

"Yes?" He questioned.

"It's the chord progression in these bars here, listen." She changed the output to the speaker system and cranked the volume up. Jerry cocked his head slightly, but shrugged at her when she raised her eyebrows meaningfully.

"I don't-" he started, making her sigh in exasperation. She scrubbed back over the track again and told him forcefully "LISTEN." He did again…and looked blankly at her. Beca looked as though she might slap him in the face. "Sorry Bec! You're going to have to spell it out for me I'm afraid."

Beca shook her head crossly and played the small section again, saying to Jerry this time "right…here. Listen to the chords. And again here. They don't work. It just sounds like the wrong time for that change, or maybe to a different key would work."

Jerry's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh! Yes I hear it now…"

"He hears it NOW." Mocked Beca, raising her eyes to the ceiling. He stuck his tongue out at her and playfully kicked the underside of her chair, then turned back to listen to the musical phrase yet again. He shook his head and sighed.

"What do we do about it?" He asked Beca.

"Well there's nothing WE can do about it ourselves – we need to get the artist back to talk over reworking that section of the song. She knows her own song best, it would be quicker to do it that way." Jerry nodded slowly, then cringed.

"Oh man, Chad's gonna love that. Travel costs, studio costs, re-recording, re-editing…"

Beca just shrugged. "Then he should've let us work on this from the start and get it right, instead of letting his stupid Wonderchild work on it."

Jerry smirked into his coffee at Beca's reference to the boss's son, who was notoriously bad at just about anything in the business, but his dad kept pushing to 'find his niche'. "Nepotism at its finest." He grimaced. "So…" he said after a pause, "who gets to speak to him about it?" Beca paused in the middle of taking notes on the track, in preparation for re-recording. Her shoulders tensed and then she raised her head and gave Jerry a big, too-bright grin. There was a moment's silence while he processed her expression.

"Oh no!" He exclaimed immediately, waving his hands in front of himself to exaggerate his point. "No! It was me last time, I am not doing it again. No, no way, not me." She batted her eyelashes at him, saying "aww but Jerry he likes you so much…" Jerry closed his eyes and stuck his fingers in his ears.

"No! Absolutely not. Nope!"

"But Jerry-"

"No!"

"Not even for-"

"NO!"

"What if we 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' for it?"

Jerry perked up at this – Beca _always_ lost 'Rock, Paper, Scissors', she was habitually poor at it, to the point she usually refused to play. He started to grin. "OK!" He agreed.

A few moments later, he stormed from the mixing booth in fury, followed by Beca's giggles. "Hard luck Jer!" She called after him.

"You cheated!" He yelled over his shoulder. Beca just snorted in response and started to gather up her notebook and laptop, ready to head out and chase up the artist for what was quickly becoming _her_ album. She smiled to herself as she strode back to her office, hearing a faint whining from down the corridor indicating that Jerry was still less than satisfied with the outcome of the bet.

It was after 9pm when Beca finally arrived back at her apartment after a very long day at work. Meetings, finishing up edits, discussions with a prospective new artist and a _very_ challenging discussion with Chad about the album she'd taken on, had all run on into the evening. She set down a grocery bag that was stashed under one arm – the result of a last-minute run to the supermarket – slung her satchel over the back of a kitchen stool and gave a long sigh of decompression. She tousled her hair with her hands, stretched and called out softly to her cat.

"Bobby…Bobby?" An off-key mewl answered her and a slight thud told her that he had removed himself swiftly from her bed to come and greet her. She smiled as he wound around her ankles, purring surprisingly loudly for such a small feline.

"Ok, ok! I'll getcha some dinner, just wait a minute Mr. B." He meowed at her in response and sat down to watch as she pottered around the kitchen and prepared his evening meal. She set his food bowl on the granite-topped breakfast bar and let him hop up to eat. His gravelly purr sounded again as he nuzzled her, before getting stuck in. She gave him a gentle tickle behind his ear and began to make a cup of tea for herself – her usual ritual of winding down after a tiring day at the studio.

A few minutes later Beca had settled herself at the breakfast bar next to Bobby, with a plain Earl Grey and some toast, which she munched slowly as she reflected on the tricky album from that day. Something was still niggling her about it. She groaned and put down her toast, sucking some crumbs from her fingers before reaching into her satchel for her laptop. She knew she wouldn't be getting any rest tonight until she'd had another go at it. She'd saved the album to it "just in case", she figured something like this would happen.

"Stupid brain" she muttered, as she pulled up files she needed and began to listen again. She sat and, without realising it, made her way through every song, slowly eating her makeshift dinner.

The album was still very rough around the edges (Beca rolled her eyes at the Wonderchild's shoddy work, again) but there was no denying the rawness and beauty in the sound. The melodies were intriguing and skilfully worked, with an intertwining and complex style. Beca repeated the album and listened to the artist's voice this time. It had a rich timbre and covered an amazing range. Her low notes were full and melted Beca right to her core, while the soaring higher notes made the hair on her arms stand on end with their unique sound. As she reached that particularly troubling track again she closed her eyes and just let the music wash over her. It started out as a simple melody, very soft and chiming sweetly. There was a deep sadness that grew as the song built, a yearning in the lyrics that caused Beca to catch her breath. She opened her eyes to find them damp with tears that had caught unbidden in her lashes. Rubbing them away quickly, she sought her tea for comfort and sipped in an attempt to break the musical rabbit hole she was falling into. As she felt herself warm on the inside, the niggling feeling returned and she pursed her lips…a suspicion began to form.

She knew this voice.

It was familiar, somewhere in the depths of her memory, once she thought about it but the harder she listened the more certain she became. Whoever this singer was, Beca had heard her before. She sifted through her memory to try and come to a solution, but it sat just out of reach. She huffed in exasperation and opened her emails, scrolling back to find the one that the demo tracks had been attached to, seeking out the name of the artist.

"Sabine Engel" she murmured to herself thoughtfully. It wasn't a name she thought she'd heard before (she'd remember one that unusual surely?) but it was pretty – it made her think of small white flowers growing in a sunny meadow…

Beca shook herself, embarrassed by the reverie she'd drifted into and tried to order her wandering thoughts. She rubbed her face vigorously and decided to call it a night. She snapped her laptop shut and returned it to her satchel, called Bobby out of the kitchen and headed to her room, turning off the lights as she went.

Curled up in bed, with Bobby purring at her back, she couldn't get those songs out of her head – particularly _that_ voice. She replayed it over and over in her mind, trying again to puzzle out her déjà vu. Answers evaded her, however, and she eventually fell into an exhausted sleep. That night, though she didn't remember in the morning, she dreamed of a white-haired angel and the faint smell of cinnamon.


	2. In Sickness andMore Sickness

Names in bold are to indicate characters having a text conversation, hopefully it works ok for you. Enjoy!

 **Jerry:** Hey boss, how're you doing?

 **Beca:** I'm dying.

 **Beca:** Still.

 **Jerry:** No better then?

 **Beca:** Well...I'm not seeing double any more

 **Jerry:** I can tell

 **Jerry:** Your typing is coherent

 **Beca:** You're a dick

 **Jerry:** You love it

 **Beca:** Not dick. What I love is not being ill.

 **Jerry:** And ice cream?

 **Beca:** God yes, I love that more than anything ever!

 **Jerry:** Good I'll bring some when I drop off the raw recordings from today?

 **Beca:** You're an angel

 **Jerry:** I thought I was a dick?

 **Beca:** Angel dick?

 **Jerry:** Please take your meds. I'll be round tonight for debrief.

 **Beca:** K.

Beca let the phone drop to the pillow beside her head and groaned, feeling incredibly sorry for herself. She'd come down with flu two weeks earlier and had been very ill to start with. She didn't remember much from the first week, but from what Jerry had told her she'd been pretty out of it. He'd gone round the first day she failed to turn up for work, as it wasn't at all like Beca to bail on work ever, not least without telling anyone why. So of course Jerry, fearing the worst, let himself into her apartment that day with great trepidation, worried about what he might find.

It was lucky Beca had had the foresight to leave a spare key with him some time ago, because what he did find was his producing partner passed out on her living room floor, burning a terrifying fever and nearly non-responsive. He'd taken her straight to hospital where they admitted her and administered IV fluids and medication immediately, before diagnosing a bad case of influenza. After two days of care, they sent her home with a list of pills necessary to keep her fever down and her lucid. All in all, Jerry had been – perhaps literally – a life saver. He'd been running back and forth to the pharmacy and grocery store for Beca, checking in on her and insisting on taking at least a couple of days off work to stay with her post-hospital and feed her medicine and liquids until she could manage on her own. Beca only allowed him two days before sending him back to work, saying she wasn't going to be responsible for him losing his job, but in reality he knew how awkward she felt being looked after. She hated 'being a burden' as she put it and he knew that if he tried to argue with her he'd lose, whether Beca was drugged-up or not.

Now, however, Beca was in the latter stages of her illness and becoming increasingly frustrated with being stuck at home, feeling weak and poorly still, but also bored. She wanted so desperately to get back to work, but she'd been signed off by the hospital doctor for a minimum of three weeks, to run to a full month if she was still ill. There was no way she could cope with a month, she'd just glared at the document in anguish when Jerry gave it to her and hoarsely protested that she didn't need to be at home for that long. But, coming to the end of her second week, she recognised that one more probably couldn't hurt as she still hadn't regained her voice and just dragging herself to the bathroom exhausted her.

She huffed in frustration at herself, bundled up in her best winter pyjamas and her thickest covers to fight against the chill she still felt. Mostly she was annoyed because she'd missed the start of the re-recording project. After having it on her books for two months, she succumbed to illness the _day_ recording was due to begin. It had ended up delayed while Jerry was out of the office looking after her, but she gave him the go-ahead to record for her while she was off, as long as he brought the rough edits back to her after each session, allowed her to tinker, and took her notes back to the artist the next day. Which, to be fair to him, he'd stuck to faithfully and it made her feel better that the whole thing hadn't been completely derailed; especially with the company paying to bring the artist back and put her up while they recorded (a good will gesture on their part, due to the first edits being unusable).

The edits were getting better, but that song that had bothered her still wasn't right. She'd tried, while laid up, to get her thoughts across but it was proving harder than the others and seemed to be a track that would have to wait until she could get back to the studio. It wasn't a huge issue, as everything else was coming together, but it just made her itch for recovery that little bit more.

Jerry hadn't told her much about the artist, other than to express how pleasant she was to work with – a change to the divas they usually had to cater for. Beca still had a burning curiosity about the woman – she hadn't managed to find out anything about her online to settle her pique. No social media profiles came up when she searched the name and nothing on Wikipedia as far as she could see either. The woman had no trail at all, and Beca rather thought she may be turning into a creepy stalker with how hard she'd tried to find out even the tiniest hint or fact. And she was trying incredibly hard not to let it turn into an obsession…

A knock sounded at her front door and then she heard a key in the lock.

"Hello dear, sick and feeble woman. I come bearing many gifts with which to soothe you!" Jerry's voice called through her apartment and Beca rolled her eyes at his silly humour. He appeared in the doorway to her room and she threw a pillow at him, which missed spectacularly. He looked down at it, unimpressed.

"Is that the best you can do?" he demanded.

"Don't be such an ass, take pity on me."

"Why, so you can take advantage when I'm least expecting it and take me out with all of your soft furnishings?"

"Of course." Retorted Beca, shuffling up in her bed so that she was resting against her nest of pillows. She patted the space next to her on the bed. "But before I give you the fiery death of a thousand pillows, Imma need those edits from today. And I believe ice cream was promised." Jerry grinned and flopped onto the bed, producing a memory stick, a spoon and a tub of mint choc chip. Beca groaned appreciatively at the choice of flavour and grabbed the ice cream first, cracking it open and shoving in three mouthfuls before Jerry had even kicked his shoes off. He laughed as he caught her cramming in the treat. She at least had the grace to look slightly ashamed of herself.

"Dude, its fine you can eat as much of that as you want and as disgustingly as possible. It's kinda good to see you more like your old self at last!" He chuckled. Beca waved her spoon at him warningly.

"You're damn right I'll be disgusting. That's my best quality right there."

Jerry laughed again and picked up Beca's laptop from the bedside cabinet closest to him, booted it up and popped in his flash drive. As they waited for everything to load, Beca started to quiz him about the day in the studio.

"So...is it going okay so far?"

"Beca!" he laughed "You ask me that every single time! What honestly is going to happen from one day to the next? It's not like the studio's going to burn down if you're not there you know."

"Pfft with you running the project right now, I can't count that out as a possibility." She stuck her tongue out at him and he sighed.

"Yeah yeah I get it, you don't trust me."

He wiped an imaginary tear from his eye as he said it, and added a sniffle for extra effect.

"Mmhm, it's better you know it now man and get over it. Put on your big girl panties and let the boss tell you how to get shit done right."

He raised his eyebrows at her and whistled softly. "Whoa there sassy, remember who supplies your ice cream!" She cocked her head and gave him a typically 'Beca' look, her arms folded across her chest. He shrugged and smiled at her. "Honestly Bec, its fine. It's all going very smoothly. Sabine is so lovely to work with, wouldn't say boo to a goose but she knows her music all right. She's good...unbelievable really..." Jerry's eyes went a little glassy and Beca rolled her own towards the ceiling.

"Jeremy Jones, you are drooling."

He snapped out of his brief reverie and looked at her a little guiltily. "No I'm not!" He quickly defended. Beca raised a _very_ sarcastic eyebrow at him and dipped her chin towards her chest.

"Oh, so that little decade that passed just then where you forgot how to function as a human being...that wasn't you fantasising about our client at all?"

"Absolutely not, that would be highly unprofessional." Sniffed Jerry. "All I'm saying is, she's got a lot going for her." He glanced slyly at Beca then. "You know...I kinda wonder if _you_ might be more up her alley. If you know what I mean…?"

Beca frowned at him. "And how would you know that exactly?"

"She's been asking about you."

"...Why?"

"Gee I dunno Bec, maybe because you're her lead producer and she's not actually met you yet, but you keep bossing her around and changing her album? Ring any bells there for you?" Beca rolled her eyes again and shoved him. "Plus, I told her you're totally a babe."

"...You did _what_?!" Beca shrieked at him, after a shocked pause. He just grinned at her again.

"You can thank me in your wedding speech." Anything else he might have said was cut off by the pillow that thumped into his face, courtesy of Beca and her fury.

"You're a total, total ass you know that don't you?" She demanded angrily. She snatched the laptop from his knees and began to flip through the files from that day, settling some headphones over her ears to listen to what progress had been made. Jerry sat quietly and awaited her verdict.

After a solid twenty minutes of listening, repeating and making notes in her 'Book of Doom' (as Jerry put it), she closed the lid on her laptop and turned to him, all business again.

"Okay, I've got more-"

"-Notes." Finished Jerry wryly. "I noticed. Anything specific, or urgent?"

Beca was frowning slightly. "I dunno, these ones are a bit harder. Umm..." She went silent for a moment as she tried to focus on logistics. She groaned and rubbed her eyes hard with balled up fists. "Ugh I really need to be in the office for this, it's getting really complicated." Jerry looked at her tired eyes and pale face, thinner than he'd seen her before. He sobered,

"Bec, you're not ready. You can't go into the office like this yet, you'll just make yourself sick again, or worse infect the rest of us." He wrinkled his nose, dissipating his seriousness briefly. "And I don't really want your sissy girl germs if you don't mind." This made Beca grin lopsidedly for a second, before she closed her eyes and leaned back.

"But I really need to speak to this Sabine myself, to try and get everything across the way I mean it and it'd be faster than relaying messages through you and my notebook once a day..." she was whining a little, turning puppy dog eyes on Jerry.

"Oh Bec, not the puppy face, you know I can't fight that!" He cringed. She leaned closer, widening her eyes and sticking out her bottom lip a little as she sensed him weakening. He groaned and shoved his hand in her face to try and make it stop. She gave a very indignant curse at this and clawed his hand away, ready to fight him if she had to. But as she sat back up from the assault she saw he had his phone out. "I think this will help you." He said, then her phone 'pinged' beside her. She glanced down to see that he'd shared a contact with her. She looked at him quizzically.

"What-?"

"Sabine's contact info. I grabbed it from her business card just in case we needed to get a hold of her...and guess what, now _you_ do." He winked at her. "You're welcome."

"Would...do you think that would be weird?"

Jerry shrugged. "Nah I don't think so. She handed out her business cards, she intended for her contact details to be used. And this way you can cut out the middle man...me." He grabbed her spoon and had a few cheeky mouthfuls of her ice cream while she was distracted. She nodded slowly. He waved the spoon in her direction. "Just try and keep me in the loop though, yeah?"

"Obviously." She rolled her eyes. "Okay...I'll give it a go. But you're still going to bring me ice cream aren't you?" She pouted at him. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Of course Becs, I enjoy my genitals attached to my body." That at least elicited a giggle from her, before she pretended to gag and punched his shoulder.

"Ew as if I'd touch those, gross!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence boss." He deadpanned at her. He handed her the spoon and ice cream back, then reclaimed his flash drive and heaved himself off of the bed. "Right, time for me to bounce kiddo." He saluted in her general direction, which she acknowledged. He took a last look at her, still concerned for the frail figure in the bed. "Sure you're getting on okay on your own? Do you want me to call anyone for you?"

"Yes, _mom_ , I'm fine. Trust me!" He still looked unconvinced.

"Definitely? I could always call your friend Chloe-"

"Don't you dare!" She suddenly exclaimed, startling him. "Sorry." She placated, holding her hands up, "it's just that...well I wouldn't hear the end of it from her. I...kinda didn't tell her I was sick in the first place..." Jerry's eyebrows shot towards his hairline.

"Dangerous move boss lady."

"Not as dangerous as if you go running to her telling her I was anywhere near a hospital." She threatened. "You do that and I'll end you before she manages to bury me. Remember that." She pointed a very warning finger at him and death-stared him into submission.

"Fine, fine. Just promise you'll call me if you need anything, yes?" Beca glared at him mutinously. "YES?" he repeated, forcefully. She huffed and began to sulk.

"Yeah fine. Now get out and leave me and my ice cream to our date night."

He laughed at that. "Sure. Enjoy Bec, I'll see you soon. Night!"

"See you later Jer." She heard him make his way through the apartment, put some fresh food and water out for Mr B, change the litter in his tray and then eventually close and lock the door behind him.

She stretched slowly, easing out muscles that were stiff from her being bed-bound for so long and racked with fevers and shivers. As she rolled her shoulders, she decided it was time for a bath. A long, hot soak would keep her warm and ease those troublesome muscles a little. It felt like ages since she'd been able to wash properly, as even standing under the shower was more than she could manage. Suddenly she felt absolutely disgusting and she fought her way out from under her covers to make her way shakily to her en-suite. She sat on the edge of the bath and started to run water into the tub before digging through her considerable collection of bath bombs. When it came to bath bombs she was something of a collector it turned out, and she had plenty to choose from for any occasion. After rummaging among a few different scents, sizes and shapes, she settled on her favourite – a Lush intergalactic. She was finally feeling well enough to be frivolous, that fact alone cheering her. She threw the bath bomb into the hot water and watched it fizz for a minute before she rose from her perch and started to strip in preparation for her desperately-needed soak. As she peeled off her flannel plaid pyjamas she caught sight of herself in the bathroom mirror, her arms like toothpicks and ribs forming deep ridges all down her side and back. She winced, noting sunken cheeks and hollow eyes, limp dirty hair and cracked lips.

"Jesus I look like a corpse that's seen better days." She muttered to herself, scowling. She turned away from the disappointing reflection and waited for the bath to finish filling.

The first steps into the hot, deeply scented water were absolute bliss and as she sank down into the tub she moaned deeply in total appreciation. She closed her eyes for a second and allowed the heat to wash over her, cleansing her skin and washing away the aches and sweat of the past days. She reached out of the tub to grab her phone and turn on a playlist while she soaked – listening to anything other than the studio recordings had been beyond her recently as well and it was incredibly refreshing to have her old favourites on again. She was feeling more and more revived as the minutes ticked by, she was glad she'd decided to do this, musing that perhaps this was the start of her getting back to herself before returning to work. She didn't want to be wandering back in next week looking and smelling like something from _Tales From the Crypt_ after all, she mused.

As the music wound around her, she pondered on her notes for the studio album. She really should get in touch with Sabine. She wasn't entirely sure what was stopping her, but she had a feeling it had something to do with the voice that had been haunting her fever-addled dreams. Hell, even before she had caught the damn flu she'd had that voice following her around day and night. It had gone beyond the feeling of familiarity and now she felt as though those deep, rich tones had become a part of her somewhere. Every time she listened she could feel a tug inside, which she acknowledged was fully crazy but she was willing to put it down to both the intensity with which she listened to every single track and the strength of the meds she'd been on the past two weeks.

Definitely the meds, she nodded to herself.

This was not getting her any closer to actually communicating with Sabine however, and she sighed heavily to herself and grabbed her phone to compose a message. She saved the contact that Jerry has sent over then opened a new message window. The blank white screen glared at her in a mocking fashion, seeming to taunt her for her complete lack of social skills. How she'd managed to creep ever closer to thirty without actually gaining any social awareness or the ability to communicate nonchalantly like most competent adults was beyond her...but to be fair, she reasoned, you just needed to be bossy to be a music producer. No one expects you to actually be their friend, that's not your job really. Her college internship had certainly taught her that. She rolled her eyes, readjusted herself in the bath and tapped on her screen.

 **Beca:** Hey Sabine, it's Beca. I hope you don't mind me getting in touch, only I've got a few notes on the latest recordings that I need to relay live rather than through Jerry or a notebook. Finding it hard to make sense of myself I'm afraid, are you happy to message about the tracks?

Beca read it through a few times to make sure it was okay – casual enough to invite the chat to happen but not overly casual, enough professional in it to sound like a functioning grown-up who was competent at her job…

Once she was happy enough with it she tapped the send icon and set her phone down again, to lose herself in her bath and music. As she was drifting on her own personal Sea of Tranquillity, however, a soft chime interrupted her playlist and she glanced over at her phone. Then she looked again, closer. Sabine had answered already, and for some reason this had Beca in nervous flutters. She frowned at herself and grabbed her phone again to open the artist's reply.

 **Sabine:** Good evening Ms Mitchell, thanks for getting in touch. That would be great to be able to chat with you directly if you're feeling up to it? Your friend Jerry told me how ill you've been, I don't want him to think I'm making you worse or forcing you to work when you should rest?

Beca nearly sniggered at the use of "Ms Mitchell", and instantly hoped she would never hear it again. She quickly replied.

 **Beca:** Please, just Beca if you don't mind, it's what I always work under. I'll know you mean me at least! And never mind Jerry, he's being a drama queen. I'm fine to get some work done don't worry.

 **Sabine:** Weren't you in hospital? That sounds serious to me…

Beca shook her head impatiently – trust Jerry to go around telling anyone and everyone about the hospital incident. Typical.

 **Beca:** Precautions. It's fine really! If you bear with me I'd like to send you a copy of my notes from today?

 **Sabine:** I would appreciate that very much, thank you.

Some time later, after Beca had refilled her bath with hot water twice, she had relayed most of her ideas to Sabine and they had been having a pleasant, informal chat via messages too. Beca could see what Jerry meant about the woman, even through text format. She was came across as soft and gentle, wiser than a forest owl and humorous too. There was a quirky sense of fun in her messages which Beca could appreciate, being on the more unusual side of the scale herself. She had touched on the Trouble Track (she'd dubbed it) with Sabine, who had pushed to leave it until they were in the studio. She said it would be more effective being able to tweak it in person as she played. Beca agreed wholeheartedly.

 **Beca:** It's a beautiful song though, don't get me wrong. It's my favourite on the album, I love how you work the melody and chords and how you build it so intensely. It's very powerful you know? But not, like love-ballad overbearing if that makes sense?

 **Sabine:** It does. Thank you. I am glad it had that effect on you.

 **Beca:** Really? Because part of that effect is it haunting my dreams!

Beca meant the comment to be light hearted, she expected a joke in return from Sabine. She hoped it didn't sound too fan-girly either.

 **Sabine:** As it does mine. It...means a lot to me.

 **Beca:** I hope I haven't seemed insulting about it?

 **Sabine:** Not at all. I'm pleased you are paying it so much attention to make sure it is right. Nothing has been taken away from it, and it is good to have another's expert perspective on it. It means what it does to me, and whatever else to others. So long as you can make it accessible – is that the right expression? - to more listeners then I am satisfied. I would very much like it to be listened to by many.

Beca could tell she had so much more invested in that one track than the others. Which was unusual as most of the artists they had coming through the studios wrote about love or relationships or whatever from a very two-dimensional perspective, then demanded it get cranked out so they could see the money start to hit their pockets. Sabine was different in general about her album, but most particularly this one song. It must have a pretty special story behind it, she mused.

 **Beca:** Wow, you almost make that one sound like your baby!

There was a pause in the messages then and when Beca watched she could see the little 'typing' icon of the dots doing their Mexican Wave that indicated Sabine was replying. They kept stopping as though she was breaking off, or putting her phone down. Beca waited, expecting a long reply or perhaps a backstory.

 **Sabine:** That is a worthy legacy I suppose.

Beca frowned at the short answer. It came across with a very odd tone, but that could just be her as she was exhausted now and way past medication time. She decided to call it a night.

 **Beca:** Okay well I should really hit the hay now. I've been sitting in this bath for two hours while we sorted these notes out and I'm starting to look like a Beca-raisin. Plus, meds to take or Jerry will definitely be after one of us!

It was only after she'd hit send that she wondered what in the hell had possessed her to mention being in the bath. She quickly added another text.

 **Beca:** Not that you needed the mental image of the bath scenario. Err...my bad sorry!

Definitely not professional Beca, really good going there.

 **Sabine:** Without meeting you first, I don't know what that image may be...but I can assure you I have quite a good imagination at least so perhaps that will do for now :P

Beca flushed bright pink straight away at that.

 **Beca:** You don't want to imagine that, trust me! It'll give you nightmares.

 **Sabine:** I doubt that very much, but we'll just have to see once you are back in the studio I suppose, won't we?

Beca paused. Was that...almost flirty? She read it a few times to try and make sense of it. Did she mind if it was flirty? Hmm...she concluded that she probably didn't, at all. She hadn't met Sabine in person still, but getting to know her a little through her messages had shown her someone she could be incredibly interested in.

Hell, she'd been hooked by her voice alone, why lie? If the woman was flirting, well then…let the games begin quite frankly, she thought to herself with a little grin.

 **Beca:** Hmm I suppose we will :P just promise not to scream too loud in disgust.

With no idea where it suddenly came from, a sound popped into Beca's mind. That husky, rich voice moaning in desire, gasping and rising in pitch, rougher than her songs and full of unbridled passion…

Goosepimples erupted over Beca's skin and she couldn't help the shudder of pleasure that rippled through her as she imagined how the other woman may sound screaming her name in orgasm. And immediately afterwards she chastised herself severely for getting so carried away with thoughts of a _client_ of all people! She tutted and shook her head to try and dispel the lewd daydreams that were lingering, blushing and angry at herself.

 **Sabine:** I'm sure you are being mean to yourself. But I shall wish you good night anyway, and I hope you feel better in the morning.

 **Beca:** Thank you..me too honestly. And you, sleep well. Thank you for chatting.

 **Sabine:** Not at all, I've enjoyed it.

 **Beca:** Me too :) x

"A _kiss_ Beca, really?" She demanded of herself and rose from the bath in disgust. "Get a grip woman." She huffed as she pulled the plug and climbed out to wrap herself in her fluffiest towel. She was sure that by tomorrow she'd be mortified by half of the conversation she'd sent to Sabine, but that was a problem for 'Tomorrow Beca'. 'Tonight Beca' was ready to cram some medicine and crawl into her cosy pit to sleep off some more of her flu. She had to admit she was feeling considerably better after the bath and doing at least a little something productive with her evening before she descended into text flirting. Shaking her head again at herself, she got settled into bed in a fresh set of pyjamas and turned out her lights. As Mr B appeared and hopped up onto the bed to snuggle with her, she brought up Sabine's music again and set it to play to get herself to sleep whilst vowing that it was absolutely the last time she'd do it.

Well...one little lie, eh?


	3. Of Balloons and Violence

A/N:Hi guys, a quick chapter update because this one's been niggling at me today. Just a word of warning if you're following, I'm on a pretty intensive college course, trying to get ready to apply for a medical degree so...updates might occasionally be sporadic, I don't know yet. But I have every intention of finishing the fic, I've got some later chapters drafted out and the thing as a whole in notes, so I know where it's going, no worries about that. I guess what I mean is, it's going to require a little bit of patience at times, sorry! Hope this one's okay.

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A round of applause met Beca as she strode back into the office a week later, causing her to flush bright red and try to hide behind a curtain of hair, while muttering "You guys! Geez..." She scurried to her desk and plopped her satchel and laptop bag down next to a big bunch of flowers sitting in a vase, with a foil balloon tied to it and a 'Get Well' card sitting close by. Sighing loudly she called to the office at large "Really? I didn't die you know. Don't you think this is a bit much?"

There were some scattered chuckles and an anonymous voice called out "Love you boss!" She cringed harder and covered her face with her hands. Jerry. Jerry was going to die. So hard. So much dying and as soon as physically possible. She felt an arm hang across her shoulders and the object of her decidedly murderous thoughts grinned into her death glare.

"Good to see you back where you belong Becs."

"Was this you?" She demanded, waving a hand at the flowers, card and gently-twirling balloon. His grin widened and he shrugged, clearly pleased with himself.

"Some of it was. Everyone pitched in and wanted to do something for you, they missed you. For some reason..." He added, teasing her. She prodded him harshly in the ribs, causing him to flinch and squeak simultaneously. Okay, that made her feel a little bit better.

"One day, I will end you Jerry. And not in a nice way, in a very painful and awful and...disgusting way. A way that will make seasoned CSI officers vomit and quit on the spot. They might not even be able to find every piece of you as they try and stitch you back together. You won't need a coffin, they'll just bury you in a matchbox."

Jerry had started to laugh hard at Beca's reaction, causing her scowl to darken further. He'd known it would be risky to try and welcome her back to work or allow anyone to express affection or concern for her well-being. But it was true that her co-workers had all missed her and had genuinely been worried about her. He'd at least said he'd take the blame for the gifts, and let them off. The card was a different matter but as they'd all signed it anyway, what was she going to do? Go on a killing spree until the entire office was cleared? Looking at the thunder in her eyes currently, it occurred to him that it was a very real possibility at this point. He stifled his guffaws into coughs and then cleared his throat.

"Aw Beca come on. We really did miss you, everyone was worried about how ill you've been and...hell they really like you. Don't be scared!" He smirked at her. "I know it's weird and inexplicable, but these people like you a lot. So just accept the love, yeah?" He threw her a wink and her face softened just enough for her to give a trademark eye roll. "That's our Beca." He grinned and punched her shoulder gently. She pointed threateningly right in his face, her finger jabbing the end of his nose briefly for effect.

"You get one. This is one. Yes?" She raised her eyebrows at him in warning and he laughed at her, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Sure thing boss, note taken." She nodded once, sharply and straightened her blazer while drawing in a breath.

"Right. Fine. Good. Okay then." She looked again at the gifts on her desk and, despite her threats to Jerry, she felt warm on the inside. It wasn't easy for her to accept that people had any opinion of her at all, and if they did she was sure it would be a bad one. She'd always felt awkward about affection, or being close to people unnecessarily (as she put it) but it didn't mean she didn't like it deep down – who wouldn't? It was more that she felt awkward about anyone taking time out of their day for her, when they could probably be doing something better. She picked up the card and read some of the messages inside, which of course were heartfelt and pleasant. She breathed out another sigh, more quietly as she put it back on her desk. "Thanks Jerry. I didn't really mean to blow up at you. I...uh I mean...it's nice." She indicated her desk again. "It was just a surprise. But...yeah thanks." She wasn't able to make eye contact and managed to settle her gaze on about fifteen different points of the room while she addressed him, but he smiled nonetheless.

"I know. Sorry for surprising you, but I thought maybe you'd never come back to work if you knew what we'd done. And you're welcome." He patted her on the back and then clapped his hands together once. "Right. No more mushy stuff, we've got work to do."

Beca nodded in agreement, her face brightening at the prospect of being back in the studio after such a tedious time at home. Her fingers itched to be back at the controls, doing her favourite thing in the world, and she turned to hurry to the recording and editing booths.

"And you've got a date to pick up as well of course."

She stopped and turned on her heel slowly. His face was a well-practised picture of innocence that she knew all too well. " _What have you done?"_ She hissed at him. He just shrugged in response and stuck his hands in his pockets, whistling a little tune as he sauntered in the direction of the booths. She shot after him and he broke into a sprint while laughing. "JEREMY JONES YOU TELL ME RIGHT NOW!" she screeched as she chased him into the sound booths. The staff in the main office all looked up at the ruckus and a few laughs broke out. It was certainly good to have those two back working together, they'd missed the entertainment value of the producing partners and Jerry had basically been moping around the place while Beca had been away.

Beca cornered Jerry against the mixing desk and growled at him. "Spill. Now."

"I don't know what you mean."

"What. Did. You. _Do_?!"

Jerry laughed, causing Beca to throw the nearest empty coffee mug at his head. By some good grace he caught it just before it connected with his forehead and he breathed out slowly in relief. Then he stared at her in disbelief. "You threw a mug at me!"

"I'll throw worse than that in a minute, tell me what you've been plotting you complete turd!" She began to prowl towards him, another mug ready in one hand.

He shook his head and, hoping to calm her, replied "Becs I was just teasing."

She stopped in her tracks, nonplussed. "...What?"

"Honestly, I haven't done anything. Ask anyone, I'm just messing with you." Beca huffed in relief but kept her sharp eyes on her partner. He threw caution to the winds. "But I think you're missing a hell of a boat there if you don't give it a go Becs. Really."

"What does that mean?"

"Well apart from the fact that our Sabine is drop-dead _gorgeous,_ I think she might be a little bit into you."

Beca scoffed disbelievingly. "Uh huh. And how is that even possible? We've never met, she doesn't know who I am. You're totally just making things up in your head, as usual."

He tutted at her. "Is it so hard to imagine? Yeah you guys haven't met, I know that. But from what she says you've been talking...a lot?" He raised his eyebrows at the brunette and gave her a knowing smirk. Her cheeks began to flush again and she inwardly cursed the one involuntary quirk that she'd never managed to get a hold over.

"So? There's been a lot to discuss about the album-"

"Yeah and everything else as well by the sounds of it."

"Have you two just been spending the last week continuously talking behind my back?"

"Oh my god, chill out, no! Bec, I took her out for coffee on lunch breaks while you've been MIA, tried to make her feel more comfortable, you know?" Beca gave him a suspicious glare and folded her arms, beginning to tap one foot dangerously on the carpeted floor. "Not like that. Although that is how I found out she's not a boyfriend sort of a person..." He trailed off. He noticed Beca scrutinising him and shook his head. "Did not make a pass, I solemnly promise! We've just been chatting. She's been asking about you quite a bit." His eyes glinted in amusement. "And when I called her out on it, she didn't exactly deny it either." If murder could happen via telekinesis, he would be stone-cold out right now. He was either very brave or very stupid, but he carried on regardless. "Is there any harm in trying?"

"Oh I dunno...maybe just the risk of losing my job Jer." Shot Beca sarcastically.

"When has a producer ever been fired for that? Half of them have fucked three out of every five clients, hell every single one of Chad's wives has been a client. Honestly you're lucky Sabine's a lesbian because I'm sure he'd have her lined up as number six."

"Ugh we are NOT having this conversation right now Jerry!" Beca covered her eyes with one hand and perched the other on her hip.

"Just don't rule it out Becs? You deserve some enjoyment in life you know. It can't be all work, you have to play too sometimes." She uncovered her eyes in enough time to see him wiggle his tongue suggestively and a swift war waged inside her between punching his stupid face or laughing...luckily for Jerry's nose laughter won at last and she actually started to crack up.

"Oh my god Jerry, you...you are just...ugh I don't even know. Maybe the word hasn't been invented yet."

He knew then that he was off the hook and relaxed. Beca was chuckling and had her hands pressed to her flaming cheeks to try and cool them down a bit before getting on with the day's recording session. It was good to see her face relaxed and her having fun. Which of course had been exactly what he'd meant about easing up a bit. He hoped fervently that she might allow herself to relax and take a risk in her love life and not just her career.

Beca shimmied her blazer off and threw it over the back of the main chair, claiming it as her throne for the day, then turned away from the main desk to organise some of the equipment lining the back wall of the booth. Jerry took the hint and began to set up for the session. He made his way into the sound room and adjusted the microphones around the baby grand piano sitting in the centre, cleared away yesterday's coffee cups and picked up some loose sheet music from the floor. Beca heard the door to the sound room open again and a second person enter, but she didn't pay much attention as she was still setting up everything they'd need in the booth for the day. There was the indistinct sound of soft voices and after a few minutes Jerry returned.

"Ready?" He asked Beca. She plugged in the last couple of cables and turned, nodding.

"You have no idea." She was grinning.

"Glad to be back?"

"Dude like you wouldn't even believe." She muttered. She sank into her chair and he did the same. Through the window separating the two rooms Beca could see a woman seated at the piano, her back to them. So...this was Sabine in the flesh. The hair on Beca's arms began to tingle and stand on end as excitement flooded through her. Today she'd be able to put a face to the woman she'd begun to explore through written conversation only. She tried to cage the butterflies jumping around her insides, and wondered if maybe Jerry was right. Maybe she should take a chance on this...' _total stranger'_ , her brain supplied, unhelpfully. She took a lingering look at the slender blonde poised at the piano. Her hair was loose and fell in soft waves over her shoulders and down her back. She wore casual clothes in muted colours, mostly varying shades of blue, but still managed an air of elegance. Possibly it was just something natural that she exuded, pondered Beca, as she considered the straightened posture and long pale arms, with delicate wrists and well-trained pianist's hands resting ready on the keys.

"Beca?"

"Mm?" She snapped back suddenly and looked over at Jerry, who was grinning at her. He snorted once "Ha! And that's just the back of her."

"I wasn't...I mean...Hm? What?" He raised an eyebrow in her direction.

"I said we're ready when you are?"

"Right. Sure. I was just...um you know, sorting out everything we need to do. In my head. As you do, you know, mental checklist. Lists, in the head. Lots to do." She nodded to make her point clear and then wondered what the _hell_ was wrong with her. She pulled her shoulders back and took a deep breath. "Right, let's get to it then." Sabine had put her headphones on, ready to hear her instructions from the booth so Beca punched the button to talk through and requested the track they'd been talking about incessantly. "Okay, are we ready to take a pass at track six today?" She saw the blonde's head quirk slightly as she listened and she caught a glimpse of her profile – well-defined cheekbones and a nose that tipped up at the end in a very...adorable way. The slight head-turn was brief and gone before Beca could really get anything more than a fleeting look at the other woman and her head was nodding.

"Indeed." She confirmed in a rich, deep voice that was tinged with a soft accent. It pulled at something in Beca's memory and she froze as she tried to place it. She reasoned it would be from hearing Sabine's singing so much as she listened over the edits of the album and shook off the strange feeling in her gut. "And...how nice to have you here in person at last... _Beca_." Shivers tremored down her spine as she heard her name uttered in that delicious voice. She felt her face heat up again and she cleared her throat a couple of times before talking back. Jerry was smirking to himself, she could feel it without even looking at him.

"Ahh...yes thank you. It's nice to confirm you're a real person Ms...um Sabine. Shall we?" Her voice had risen an octave and betrayed her at the last minute. She groaned quietly to herself, muted the comm and muttered to Jerry "Okay, I'll admit her voice does things to me."

"Nice things?" He grinned.

"Jerry!"

"Well you're the one who mentioned it first-"

"Are you ready for me to start?" Came Sabine's honeyed voice. Beca sent a warning glare at Jerry and replied.

"Yes of course. Whenever you want to start, go ahead."

Two hours into recording and Beca's sleeves were rolled up to the elbows, her hair had been tousled into a chestnut mess and her hands were splayed over her cheeks as she leaned her chin into them, frustration painted in every line of her body. She spoke through to Sabine.

"Hey Sabine? Why don't you take a quick break. We've been going at this pretty solidly for a while now, I think we could all use a rest, stretch our legs, you know? Why don't you come back in 15, we'll carry on. How does that sound?" She saw the blonde head nod and Sabine slipped the headphones off. Beca covered her face with her hands in a gesture of tiredness before Sabine had even risen from her stool. A muffled moan sounded from the region of her palms. "What am I doing Jerry?"

"Making music?"

"That's just it, I'm not though! Why can't we get this right? How does it not work? Every time we try to fix the little bits that are off, it creates bigger problems!" She groaned in despair. "Maybe I should've left it alone. Maybe I should've just quit while I had the chance." She pushed her hands up to her scalp instead and stared at the floor in the midst of her mini existential crisis. "Maybe I should've just left it with Chad's idiot offspring..."

Jerry pulled her studio chair around and pulled her hands away from her head fiercely. "Hey! We're not having that sort of talk in here. I'm not going to listen to that! You know what you're doing, you're an amazing music producer and you will sort this. Some tracks are just harder than others, you know that from experience and this is no different. Just think about it for a minute...what can we do to get around this? Why isn't it working?"

Beca chewed her lip and thought hard. Her mouth twisted to one side and she blew noisily through her nose. "Well...I suppose maybe it would help to know a bit more about the song? Or where it's come from?" She looked uncertainly at Jerry, and he nodded encouragingly.

"Okay, that's a good idea. Shall we do that?"

Beca considered for another long moment and then confirmed it with a final nod. "Yeah. Yeah we'll do that. Once Sabine's back I'll have a chat with her about the track and what's behind it. I think that's the bit I'm missing maybe? I hope it'll do something at least."

Jerry smiled at her gently. "Try it, at least. It might help, it might not. Either way it's a step forward hm?" Beca just nodded in response, then hung her head to stare at her knees. "Come on Bec." He rubbed her back soothingly. "You're gonna nail this I promise. And then you'll nail Sab-" He didn't manage to finish his sentence as Beca stamped suddenly on his foot to shut him up.

As he was hopping around the booth cursing and Beca laughing at last, they heard the door to the recording room shut and Sabine was swiftly taking her place back at the piano. They glanced at each other and Jerry inclined his head towards the other room, meaning ' _go on then, go talk_ ' and she winced slightly at the prospect of the meeting she was about to have.

She was also inexplicably nervous – all this time she'd only seen the woman's back and the odd glimpse of her profile. She'd still not properly come face-to-face with her and for some reason it was holding her back. She rose slowly from her seat and paused at the door to look at Jerry. "Do you want to-?"

He sighed loudly in exasperation and opened the door then pushed her through it. "Just suck it up and go Beca!"

"Alright, alright!" She hissed at him. The door to the editing room close softly behind her and she squared her shoulders, took a deep breath and pushed her way into the recording room instead. Sabine looked up from her sheet music in surprise at suddenly having company.

"Hey Sabine, I-" Beca's body turned to stone as her eyes locked onto Sabine's piercing blue ones, electricity crackling through her chest where her heart threatened to either beat right through her ribs or stop entirely, she couldn't be sure which. There was a long, heavy pause as the other woman stared at her in much the same way; soft, full lips parted in shock, she sat rooted to the stool. She was, however, the first to break the ominous silence. She muttered something indecipherable in her native language, which Beca now knew to be German.

Because sitting in front of her, recording her first solo album with Beca Mitchell as her producer was…

"... _Kommissar?_ " She choked out.

Then she turned and practically ran from the studio.


	4. Fools Rush In

So I'm not 100% sure about this chapter, or the pacing. Something feels off but my brain is fried right now so let me know if you have any feedback. Thank you all for the fab comments so far, the support is amazing! I hope you enjoy this X

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Jerry burst into the recording room to face Sabine. "What just happened?" He demanded, staring at the blonde in utter confusion. She was still sitting like a statue by the piano, her eyes wide and face drained of all colour. Her gaze snapped to focus on him when he spoke to her and she seemed to come back into herself as though surfacing from a trance. She rubbed her hand hard against her forehead and sighed. She fumbled with her languages before trying to explain.

"Uh...we are not so much strangers as we thought we were." She answered mysteriously. Jerry's brows scrunched together in confusion for a moment before he gasped and he pointed between Sabine and the empty space where Beca had just stood.

"You mean, you and her? You...she…did you?"

Sabine appeared to be puzzled by his stammering for a moment before comprehension dawned and she waved his assumptions away quickly with one elegant hand. "Oh no, nothing like that!"She exclaimed suddenly, chuckling a little. She gave a rueful, lopsided grin that caused a dimple to flicker on one side of her face. "Though I would have no regrets if we had." Jerry had to laugh at that.

"You like her?"

"Who wouldn't?" She responded simply, with a little shrug. Jerry watched as several emotions crossed Sabine's face, and waited for her to continue. She sighed and cast her gaze down to her hands instead. "We knew each other in the past. A lifetime ago really." She sighed wistfully. "We were both very different people then. She has grown so much in her confidence now, it's lovely to see..." Sabine gave a small grin as memories surfaced. "We competed against each other several times in A Capella competitions, one was particularly prestigious. She won, of course." Jerry grinned at the blonde's expressions as she reminisced on a younger Beca. She sighed and added softly "She won many things that night. The heart of a foolish young German amongst them all." Jerry's face sobered and he moved to place a hand on Sabine's shoulder in comfort.

"She's not all that bad you know. A bit prickly, yeah, but she wouldn't be Beca without that." He barked a short laugh before continuing. "But maybe you two should sit down and talk things out? She's just surprised is all. And trust me, she hates surprises."

Sabine shook her head, looking regretful. "Unfortunately not. I think perhaps she doesn't have a very high opinion of me." Jerry frowned at her, waiting for her to elaborate. She sighed. "I teased her a great deal during the year we...uhm 'locked horns', is that the phrase? I suspect it may be the one I mean. Ah yes. She was so easily flustered and confused, and tried so hard to cover it that she would dig herself into trouble. It was amusing, and flattering of course. But I think that maybe I played the game a little too well, and in the end she suspected my initial motive to be my only one. To intimidate her only, to put her off during our competing. It was a small consideration at the very start. But so quickly I was drawn in...she's so earnest and true in every part of herself, I wanted desperately to make her mine."

"But…?" Jerry prodded.

Sabine gave a little shake of her head. "Her heart belonged to another back then. And no doubt now as well."

Jerry frowned briefly, then gave a loud "Ooohhhhh!" Her eyes flicked up to look at him and he grinned at her. "Do you mean Jesse?"

"Maybe? I'm not certain."

"Trust me, you mean Jesse. Yeah, they broke up years ago."

"How do you know this?"

"Let's just say you don't take Beca Mitchell for shots without getting her absolutely blind drunk and learning a few things in the process."

"I'm sure I'll have to take your word for that."

Jerry made another sudden noise of comprehension that had Sabine's attention on him again in curiosity. He grinned at her. "So that means...Sabine you're actually the reason Beca broke up with Jesse!" She sighed and closed her eyes tiredly.

"Another reason for her to dislike me."

"No I don't think you understand. You changed her life Sabine...literally changed her life. In a good way too, otherwise she'd have been in the closet forever."

"Why was she in a closet? Does she hide?" Sabine's confusion over the phrase had Jerry in stitches and he laughingly replied.

"Not so much any more, no!" he managed to quell some of his amusement before he carried on. "No, when we say someone's 'in the closet', we mean they're gay but haven't admitted it yet. Maybe to others, or themselves. But that's what that means. You outed her, in a way. By the sounds of it she was a very different person after meeting you." He bent down so he could look her in the eyes. "That's a good thing, you know." And he gave her a soft smile, hoping to reassure her. Sabine returned it half-heartedly.

"Even so, I'm certain she doesn't want to see me again." She shrugged ad added in a quieter tone "I can't day I blamer her."

Jerry could hear sadness in her voice and see it in the way she slumped against the piano. From what Beca had drunkenly told him of her encounters with this woman, she had left a very lasting impression and she'd never fully shaken her off. She hadn't known her name – until now, of course – but she'd been left completely under her spell ever since she first met her. He grinned again, suddenly, fancying a new career in matchmaking.

"Sabine, I think you have a real shot at this you know."

"What do you mean?"

"Well...do you still like Beca?"

Sabine considered him shrewdly before answering. "She has been on my mind many times since we last spoke. She...she is difficult to forget."

"So is that a yes?"

The blonde woman sighed and half-smiled. "Yes. Yes I do like her, as you Americans would put it."

"Then go get her!" He exclaimed, indicating with his hands the path of the recently-departed producer. Sabine's face fell slightly.

"I...am not sure it's that simple Jeremy."

"Sure it is! You like her, she's absolutely melting over you, go after her. Hey, maybe even let off a little steam..." He winked at her, and was met with a very stony expression. He hadn't seen the Kommissar before, but now here was a shadow of that petrifying character staring him down intently. He gulped a little and shuffled his hands into his pockets, his eyes sliding to the floor. Suddenly he looked like a small child who'd been told off by his teacher for clowning around in class. "Sorry." He mumbled into his chest. "Sometimes I just get a bit carried away..."

Sabine eased up on him then, and let her expression soften. "It's okay." She told him. "I just...let's maybe just slow down a little on all of this, yes? Beca is not the only one who's had a shock today."

Jerry nodded in understanding. He apologised again and Sabine waved away his words, assuring him all was fine. She did, however, slowly rise from her stool.

"I think I'd like to make use of this extended break, if you don't mind?" She indicated that she'd like to leave the room and Jerry nodded, agreeing.

"Sure, may as well I guess. I'm going to have a look for Beca. There's only so many places she could be hiding after all. Though I may end up finding her in the broom closet at this rate, it's a favourite spot for her to have a panic attack in."

"I thought you said she was not in a closet any more?" Sabine frowned slightly at him and he chuckled a little at that.

"She shouldn't be – I hope you haven't scared her back in there after this little surprise." And he followed her from the recording booth.

Sabine bent over a sink in the bathroom and splashed cold water onto her face, patting some of it over her neck and then her closed eyelids. With a sigh she leaned her long, slim hands on the smooth porcelain and let her head fall forward until her forehead settled gently against the mirror. A myriad of thoughts were chasing their tails around her mind, nipping at her well-built walls and threatening to unravel her right there in the studio restroom. She could feel a headache starting, dull and heavy right at the front of her head, causing her to grunt softly to herself as she acknowledged the blossoming pain.

Suddenly she heard a door open quietly and footsteps scuff slowly from the stall at the end of the room. They paced towards the sinks, then continued right over to her and stopped just a foot away. She opened one eye blearily and glanced to the side, then straightened herself and turned to look fully at her bathroom companion.

"So..." Beca began, radiating awkwardness. Despite the fidgeting of her feet, she held her arms stiffly by her sides, her hands balled into fists of nervousness.

Sabine felt one corner of her mouth curve slightly in a ghost of a smile at the tough little producer. "Tiny maus, we meet again." She murmured. Beca couldn't help returning a small smile as Sabine echoed the phrase from years before. She looked up at the German...except it wasn't nearly as far up as she seemed to have thought. Sabine wasn't even a head taller than her, she could easily have reached up to brush her lips to those gorgeous cheekbones and lay soft kisses...Beca startled and gave herself a mental slap, willing her dirty little mind to behave itself.

"You...aren't as tall as I remember." She commented lamely, instantly cringing at the ridiculous excuse for a conversation starter. Sabine just smiled further at her however.

"And you aren't as small. Perhaps you are not a kleine maus after all? I should not have used that name."

"No you can use it!" She jumped in immediately, then shook her head at herself, mouthing 'what?' as she turned her head away from the other woman. She huffed then turned back, attempting to look cool and smoothing her hair down. She shrugged one shoulder and aimed for nonchalance. "I mean...yeah, you know, whatever. I'm not bothered or anything." She missed it totally.

A soft laugh rippled from Sabine then, and it sounded like the sweetest music Beca had ever heard. She could feel herself turning weak at the knees, and tried desperately to hold onto her barely-there composure. She cleared her throat and opened her mouth...but found she had nothing else to say for herself. Sabine continued the vein of strained conversation.

"I suppose not wearing heels helps."

"Huh?" Beca was momentarily lost.

"The height issue? I'm not wearing the...oh now, what are they called here?"

"Stripper heels." Blurted Beca suddenly. Sabine raised an eyebrow at her and leaned so that one hip was cocked, with a hand coming to rest on it as she scrutinised the brunette – who was blushing furiously. She continued with a mumble. "I'm not saying you're a stripper, that's just what they're called over here, you know, nicknamed. I wouldn't ever call you a, a, you know-" Sabine smirked as Beca lost all control over herself completely. "Not that it's a bad career choice, y'know? I mean women can be whatever they want. I have nothing against strippers, I like strippers, and if that was your thing then I wouldn't complain. Judge! I wouldn't judge. I meant judge! Wow, is it warm in here?" She squeaked at the end.

"I can assure you I am not a stripper. Though that may be a shame, given how much you like them."

"Did I say that?" Beca was fanning herself furiously with her hand, still desperately trying to catch up with whatever trouble her traitorous mouth had landed her in. Sabine nodded slowly, her expression amused. There was silence for a second or two as the producer grappled with the wild array of x-rated images playing like a filthy peep show behind her eyes, her expression glazing over.

"...Beca?" Sabine's face was concerned as she looked into Beca's eyes, trying to gain her attention. Beca jumped as she resurfaced from the pit of sin she was rapidly falling into and gasped, clamping her eyes shut.

"I'm fine! I just need...fresh air, yeah. Lots of fresh air. Now." She stumbled blindly for the restroom door.

"May I join you?"

Beca wanted desperately to say no, but she also needed to stay as close to this woman as possible, now that she had miraculously found her again after so many years of trying to forget. So she just nodded, opened the door and politely allowed Sabine to head out first, before impolitely glueing her gaze firmly to her ass.

She wondered how long she could plausibly fuck this album up for.

The two women sat in a small garden on the roof of the recording studio, sharing a bench and basking in the warm winter sunshine of LA. Sabine leaned her head back, eyes closed, to appreciate the extra vitamins and tan. Beca merely folded her arms and shuffled further under the shade of a potted tree at her end of the bench. After a few moments Sabine glanced over at her.

"You do not like the sun?"

Beca shrugged. "It doesn't like me." She held out two very pale arms and grimaced. Sabine nodded in understanding and then let her head fall back again.

"Yes you're rather milky, aren't you?"

Beca's cheeks burned pink. "Is that...supposed to be an insult or a compliment?"

"Which would you rather?" came the infuriating reply.

"You're teasing me." Beca pouted, feeling a sulk coming on. Even Sabine's throaty chuckle couldn't stop her.

"Oh Beca, I don't tease all the time you know."

"Really? I thought it was sort of a default setting for you." The brunette sniffed sullenly, turning her head away and folding her arms over her chest. Sabine's eyes opened slowly and she sat up, looking serious now. She turned so that she was facing Beca and reached over to her and put a hand gently on one of her knees. Beca's gaze snapped to the warm hand causing her skin to burn through her jeans. Her heart rate increased involuntarily at the completely unexpected contact.

"Beca, look at me." She almost didn't dare, but the other woman's voice was so compelling that she gave in after a second of hesitation. She met those intense blue eyes and was instantly as lost as a matchstick in a stormy ocean. "I know..." Sabine was hesitant. "I know I may have seemed unkind to you in the past. But that wasn't my intention. I...admired you. Even then I was impressed by your spirit and my way of dealing with healthy competition was to play with you. I didn't mean any harm...or to make you feel bad. I hope you know that."

Sabine's fingers had been rubbing soft circles on Beca's knee as she spoke in her soft, earnest voice. Beca was transfixed by her. The Kommissar she had known several years ago seemed to have disappeared. The hard exterior was gone, along with the taunting expressions and smugness. But also missing was the fire Beca had seen, the energy she remembered from the stage. The woman who had performed with complete power and confidence was not the same woman who sat in front of her now, and it perplexed her. Without realising what she was doing, she placed her own hand over Sabine's and squeezed it gently.

"What happened to you?" She murmured.

Sabine straightened her back, her head tilted very slightly to one side. "What do you mean?" She asked, her eyebrows knitting together.

Beca spent several moments searching for the words to express her thoughts. "There's no Komissar any more, is there?"

Sabine paused for a moment, the varying blues swirling in her eyes as a swarm of emotion overtook them. Beca couldn't read what was going on behind them, but she fervently hoped an explanation would be forthcoming. Suddenly it was as if a shutter had dropped and her face became a mask in that moment. She blinked once and then spoke a though she was reading woodenly from a script. "No. But there doesn't need to be a Kommissar any more."

Beca was concerned about the change in the other woman, but she figured now wasn't a time to try and dig any further. She patted the blonde's hand and gave her a friendly smile, to try and draw her out of her sombre mood. "Well I think maybe I prefer Sabine anyway." She gave a small smile at that, a dimple flashing cheekily on one side as she glanced shyly at Beca.

"Only maybe?"

"Well I haven't met her properly yet, have I?"

The two women sat in comfortable silence and shard a shy smile each. Beca warmed inside as she noticed a delicate pink blush blossom across Sabine's well-cut cheekbones – she hadn't thought for a moment that she could be capable of blushing, yet here she was looking like a teenager on her first date. It made her go a little bit gooey on the inside.

A gentle cough interrupted their prolonged staring, and Beca whipped her head around to see Jerry standing a few feet away, his eyebrows raised as he grinned at her knowingly.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked, all feigned innocence and not-so-subtly raised eyebrows. Beca scowled at him immediately, and hurriedly removed her hand from Sabine's. The other woman got the message instantly, stood up and put her own hands in her back pockets.

"I found your co-producer!" She announced brightly to him. He gave her a sly smile.

"So I see. Been catching up ladies?"

"That's what old friends do, ja kleine maus?" she nudged Beca with her hip, swaying against her and causing the smaller woman to let a sheepish grin slip through her tough facade. She instantly straightened it back into a scowl when she caught Jerry's look as he watched her.

"Yeah. Totally." She stuck her tongue out at Jerry as she started to walk towards the door that would lead them into the building once more. "So mind your own business Jeremy." Sabine shrugged at Jerry and laughed quietly as she followed Beca's stalking figure. He turned swiftly and hurried after the blonde, whispering to her.

"Did I miss anything?"

"Nothing you need to know."

"Did you call her a mouse?"

"I did."

"And she let you?"

"Thankfully, yes."

"That's…adorable!"

Beca rolled her eyes. Hard.


	5. An Unscheduled Date

Still going, I promise! I'm writing what I can, when I can. Apologies if the German phrase in this chapter I awful, I only have a basic level of German and had to use Google Translate...sorry!

* * *

Beca allowed her gaze to slip out of focus as she stared out of the window of her favourite coffee shop, hands wrapped around a very large drink, bulky headphones on and playlist drifting in the background. She was chewing absently on her bottom lip, her thoughts swimming around like bright, slippery fish. Her mind drifted back over the last week; working with Sabine in person was an experience she was unlikely to forget in a hurry, particularly the memory of their first meeting in the recording room. She smiled wryly to herself as she remembered the other woman's open-mouthed shock that must have mirrored her own, soft lips parted and her gorgeous body frozen in shock…

Beca pulled herself up sharply and gave her brain a quick but brutal dressing-down. Her tangents of thought were wildly inappropriate and it was becoming harder and harder to choke down her desire for the woman during their sessions in the studio. She was sure she must be radiating massive gay vibes all over the place but she hoped desperately that Sabine didn't notice. She probably did, cringed Beca, and was too nice to tell her to tone it down and back off. Her forehead thumped gently against the table as she face-planted and wished the earth would swallow her up and save her from her current sexy crisis.

"Troubled, little maus?" Questioned a soft, velvet voice right beside her ear, at the same moment as someone pulled away one side of her headphones. She jumped violently and jolted her coffee, slopping a large quantity of it across the table.

"Shit!" she gasped in shock, grasping quickly for some napkins, her headphones lopsided and hanging half off of her head. She turned to glare Sabine, who was laughing quietly as she helped to mop up the mess. "What the hell was that? You could kill someone sneaking up on them like that!"

Sabine looked vaguely ashamed of herself, though a little smile still tickled the corners of her mouth. "I'm sorry Beca, but I did try to speak to you more than once. I didn't mean to scare you though, that was unfortunate." She managed to suppress her amusement a little a least.

"Dammit woman, you think you can get out of trouble just by showing me those, quite frankly, adorable dimples?" demanded Beca, waving a stern finger at Sabine before doing a double-take. Had she really just said that out loud? The musician, dipped her head and the smile now was seemingly unconscious, shy even. _Shy_? thought Beca, when had this woman ever been shy in her life? And yet here she was, acting all coy and it wasn't the first time lately either. It was a surprise to see that she even experienced anything like it, watching her appear to be so uncertain and hesitant. Sabine balled up all the damp napkins and stuffed them in Beca's cup, wiping her hands slowly on her jeans to rid them of the slightly sticky residue.

"Well...how about I get you another drink in that case?" She asked Beca. "As a way of saying sorry?"

Beca was mollified then, and sighed. "Well...I guess that would just about even it up, yeah." Sabine's anxious expression eased as she busied herself with grabbing the used cup from the table and starting towards the counter.

"What's your poison, maus?" she called over her shoulder.

' _Apart from you?'_ her brain muttered. She kicked it thoroughly with a figurative boot to shut it up, cleared her throat and croaked "Ehh...a mocha if you don't mind. Thanks Sabine." the blonde head nodded and she went to order the drinks. The queue was long and it gave Beca the chance to surreptitiously watch the other woman, while pretending to check her phone. The German woman was standing in line, staring in to space while she fidgeted with the cup she'd taken from the table. It was amazing the difference in her, thought Beca. No more heavy eyeliner or severe hair styles as there were in her DSM days. She was soft all over and natural-looking. She was very slim now too, a lot less muscle tone than she used to have. Beca admired her new shape, casting her eyes over the gentle curve of her hips and waist. There wasn't the same rock-hard look that screamed of hours of obsessive training, but Beca found she liked that more. No doubt she still had abs to die for, but she looked so much more angelic than she used to that it tugged at something deep inside of the brunette's chest. The way Sabine looked now gave Beca the intense urge to draw her in and protect her from the world.

Sabine must have felt Beca's eyes on her, because she turned at that moment and gave a small, cheeky wink that made the producer turn an indecent shade of red. She scrambled with her phone again to make it look like she was doing something more than just ogling the blonde, because goodness knows doing it was one thing but _being caught_ doing it was absolutely mortifying. She gave herself a mental slap and demanded that her brain behave itself but she had a horrible feeling she was rapidly losing the internal battle.

By the time Sabine returned to the table with drinks for them both, Beca had just about managed to calm the raging blush in her cheeks. She thanked the blonde for her mocha and drew it to her, taking tentative sips of the hot liquid. Sabine had ordered a plain tea by the look of it, the bag bobbing gently in the cup full of water. The two sat in comfortable silence as they each blew, sipped and sighed in turns. At the first mouthful of tea, Sabine exhaled in near-reverence and allowed her eyes to close in appreciation. A small hum escaped her throat.

"Nice tea?" asked Beca.

Sabine nodded fervently. "Yes, it's good to actually come across some drinkable tea over here."

"Hey! We can do tea you know!" Sabine looked at Beca sceptically but said nothing, opting instead for taking another sip of tea and raising her eyebrows slightly at the brunette's statement. Beca took her disbelief as a challenge and stuck her tongue out at her petulantly. "I'll have you know I'm a bit of a tea nerd, and can in fact make it perfectly well."

"For an American?"

"Well that's just rude." Scowled Beca. Sabine laughed then, her head tilting back and exposing her long white throat. Beca's gaze drifted slightly as she suddenly imagined pressing hot kisses all down it, nipping at the tender skin with her teeth-

"Hmm?" Beca startled as Sabine's voice cut through her daydream. Those bright blue eyes were crinkled at the edges in amusement. The German woman set her cup gently on the table and repeated herself.

"I said, perhaps you'd make me a tea sometime and I can be the judge of how American it is? Or along that idea...you missed my original comment I'm afraid. You appeared distracted?" She smirked at the smaller woman, who tried to cover her embarrassment. The accented voice continued- "I'll warn you though, I find my tea most enjoyable first thing in the morning. A good wake up after a long night, no?" She smiled innocently and Beca choked on the mouthful of mocha she'd just taken, her brain shorting out completely. After she'd dabbed at her chin with a napkin that Sabine laughingly handed her, she glared at the blonde.

"Do you say these things to me on purpose?!" She demanded in exasperation.

Sabine's expression straightened and she cast her eyes down to her knees. "I'm sorry my little maus, it's a habit I find hard to break. I shall try harder not to make you uncomfortable, please accept my apologies."

Beca's heart melted as she cast her eyes over the downcast eyes, long lashes brushing high cheekbones and the expression on the German woman's face pensive, regretful. She kicked herself internally for lashing out at her.

"No, Sabie that's not what I meant. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I love to see your playful side, it's cute." _Godammit woman, pleasepleaseplease stop coming on to her_! But Sabine seemed to bypass the minor flirting, her head had popped up suddenly and her eyes narrowed as she frowned.

"Was hast du mich angerufen?"

"Er…what?"

Sabine tutted at herself and shook her head. "Sorry. I...what did you call me just then?"

Beca tracked back quickly through the conversation, trying to remember. Had another absurd compliment slipped from her lips, but blatantly this time? God, she was going to lose her job before the end of the month at this rate. "Ehhh...I don't know? What did I call you?"

"You...you called me Sabie." She whispered, suddenly pale and easily looking as shocked as she had last week when they first met again.

"Did I?" Beca as genuinely surprised. "I'm so sorry, it must've just slipped out. It's just that we've been talking so much, and-and you know actually getting on, I guess...I guess I must've just used it by accident. As, like...a friend? Sort of?" She cringed at Sabine. Silence ticked by for a second or two and Beca swallowed a lump of embarrassment in her throat. "I'm so sorry. It was honestly just an accident! I didn't mean to offend you..."

But suddenly Sabine shook her head and placed a hand over both of Beca's, as she worried at some loose skin around her nails. "Beca it's fine, you do not need to torture yourself over something so small." Beca looked up into soft blue eyes and a gently smiling face. "I was just surprised is all. That used to be my nickname but...I haven't heard it in a long time. I suppose...I suppose it was just strange to me that you should speak that name after so long and without knowing me...before..." She trailed off. Beca considered her for a moment. She radiated honesty and Beca visibly relaxed against the warm touch on her hands. She smiled tentatively at the blonde woman.

"I shouldn't have used it though, I'm sorry. That's really personal and _so_ unprofessional."

"Well...I had rather hoped that we could at least call ourselves friends by now, ja?" She searched Beca's face for an answer, or reaction, anything that would tell her where she stood right at that moment. Beca hesitated for a fraction of a second and then nodded, a grin spreading over her face.

"I guess you could say that, yeah." She agreed eagerly, her heart warming at Sabine's words.

"And...you may use that name whenever you would like if you wish?" It was Sabine who was blushing now, and Beca found it absolutely adorable. She wanted to _aww_ at the normally-reserved German, but a second later the pink flush was gone ( _how did she do that?_ thought Beca incredulously) and she straightened her shoulders as a smirk grew. "After all, it's only fair as I call you Maus so much I suppose." She gave the brunette another wink, as she had earlier and it set butterflies battering around the inside of Beca's stomach. They had nicknames for each other, like a couple would do. It was so intimate and it excited the producer greatly. She tore her eyes away from Sabine's and chugged down some more of her drink.

"So..." Beca started the sentence without really thinking about where it was going. The blonde smirked expectantly at her. She tapped her cup absently as she searched for a topic of conversation that wasn't inappropriate or an invitation to her bed. "How come you're here, actually?" She asked suddenly, the thought popping into her head. This coffee shop was her usual retreat but she very often didn't meet anyone that she knew as it was a little bit out of the way, not particularly on the route to work or home. She had found it one day by accident on a coffee run for her boss, and committed its location to memory so that she could visit at her leisure. The blonde tilted her head slightly at the question.

"You mentioned it to me recently, it was the sort of day that I thought I would really like a good cup of tea. It's good for most things I find – homesickness, loneliness, heartache..." She sighed heavily, lost in her thoughts, but a moment later she seemed to realise what she'd been saying and straightened her back, smiling brightly as though hoping to cover her previous words. "So, in a desperate attempt to find a good cup of tea anywhere in this city, I thought I might at least try the little coffee shop that a certain maus seemed to favour so much." Her face was open and bright but Beca noted that her tone seemed guarded now, which made her inexplicably sad. Just moments before they'd been sharing something intimate and now Sabine's mask had come down again. It wasn't the same as the Kommisar stage persona she had used in the past, but the German definitely had a front that she put on for other people, but there appeared to be much more going on under the surface. She desperately wanted the real Sabine to shine through again. She suddenly spoke without thinking.

"You know if you ever want tea, you're welcome to come round to my apartment?"

Sabine looked surprised for a moment but the comment had worked, the woman's face had opened up again and a smile spread across it, bringing out the gorgeous dimples that melted Beca every time she saw them. She vowed there and then to try and make the woman smile as often and as genuinely as she could, so she could see those flashing little dips in her cheeks all the time. The blonde woman nodded tentatively.

"I'd like that Beca, thank you." The two smiled at each other in a goofy manner, until Sabine shrugged and added "so long as you can make it well, as you have promised."

It was Beca who smirked this time as she retaliated "Yeah well as long you're drinking it first thing in the morning just like _you_ promised."

There was silence for a moment as Beca realised what she'd said, and that it had been out loud, before Sabine laughed it off and patted her cheek with a soft, warm hand. "Funny maus!" She chuckled. And she rose from the table then. Beca wasn't sure what to make of her comment, or the fact that her face was burning where she'd touched it just a moment before. But she slipped off of her own stool and began to walk out of the coffee shop with the German woman.

"Are you heading anywhere in particular?" Beca asked as the two stepped out into the late afternoon sun. Sabine shook her head.

"Only to my hotel."

"Well...how about that tea now? If you think you think you can handle it that is." Beca teased as she nudged the other woman with her shoulder, hands in pockets. Sabine's face lit up at the offer.

"I would like that very much, thank you." She graciously accepted. Beca restrained herself from skipping in joy, but did opt for grabbing the blonde's hand and dragging her up the street towards her car.

"Come on then. I'm parked over here, I'll give you a ride to mine."

It was eleven at night and Beca was just putting the last of her dishes away in her kitchenette. In the living room, Sabine had fallen asleep on one of her couches after an enjoyable afternoon of chatter and then a delicious dinner cooked by Beca, accompanied by a very good red wine. It must have been good, because the German hadn't managed to find anything sarcastic to say about it, which had made Beca laugh. They'd joked back and forth, shared snippets of their lives with each other and generally had a very pleasant time. Beca had put on some music and gone to take the glasses and empty wine bottle to the kitchen, and when she came back to offer Sabine a coffee, she'd found the other woman curled up on the couch with one arm bent under her head as a makeshift pillow, dreaming away soundlessly. She melted inside at the sight of her, her face fully relaxed and looking so at peace. It was totally different watching someone asleep compared to when they were awake – there was no more guarded expression or tenseness to the blonde's form. She pulled a comforter from the back of the couch and laid it gently over Sabine so that she could go and wash up the dishes from the evening, humming to herself, then she began to close up her apartment for the night. As she came back to the living room, she wondered briefly what to do with Sabine but came to the conclusion quickly that it wasn't fair to leave her cramped up where she was. A bed would be better, she figured. And the only available bed was Beca's own, as her spare room was her office. Sighing and resigning herself to a night on the couch instead, she slipped an arm under Sabine's and around her back, then encouraged the other woman to slide off of the couch while trying hard not to wake her too much. While there wasn't a huge height difference between them, she knew she'd never be strong enough to carry Sabine, so she dug her shoulder under Sabine's arm and held her against her body, supporting her weight against her side. The German woman mumbled but barely opened her eyes.

"Hmm?" She hummed sleepily, her eyes cracking open.

"Its okay," replied Beca in a quiet voice "it's just bedtime. Come on Sabie, let me help you."

The combination of wine, a good meal and sleep had left the other woman in a state of dreamy delirium and she tucked her head against Beca's, sighing softly. "Bed...gut. I agree, we should go to bed." She mumbled.

Beca grinned as she hoisted her down the short hall and into her own room. "Yeah well that's exactly where I'm taking you."

Sabine giggled sleepily. "Oh maus, you are finally getting me into bed, ja?" her accent was much stronger in her addled state and Beca rolled her eyes.

"You have no idea what's going on right now do you?" She groaned as she heaved the other woman onto the soft mattress of her king-size bed. The blonde gave another girly giggle and stretched out on the bed, humming happily as the softness enveloped her.

"Night Sabie." Beca grinned to herself, shook her head and turned to leave, but a hand snaked out suddenly and grabbed her wrist. The brunette turned to look at the other woman, whose eyes were wide open in that moment.

"Don't go." She pleaded softly, the clear light blue of her eyes boring into Beca and causing her to waver. She knew she should leave the German in peace, that it was only right to return to the couch and sleep in a separate room, but the look on Sabine's face was enough to make her relent. She hesitated and the other woman took advantage of that moment to pull her down onto the bed beside her. Beca landed next to her with a soft 'whumph' and the two were suddenly lying shoulder-to-shoulder. Before Beca could analyse the situation a hundred different ways, Sabine turned on her side, wrapped an arm over the brunette's waist and pulled her close.

Beca's heart was hammering in her chest and she had to work very hard to calm herself down as Sabine's breath ghosted over her ear and cheek, smelling faintly of warm cinnamon – much like the rest of her. After a long pause, in which the German appeared to slip back into a deep sleep without another word or movement, Beca started to relax slightly and she gradually wiggled the cover out from under them both, flipping it over the top to keep them warm. She sighed then and turned carefully to face the sleeping musician, studying her face and basking in the experience of being in such close proximity to the object of her obsession. She still wasn't sure she should have given in to this situation and the uncertainty of Sabine's reaction in the morning gnawed at her. But gradually, as the other woman's breathing slowed to a deep and steady rhythm, it lulled Beca into the best sleep she'd had in a very long time.

The next morning, Beca woke before Sabine and after spending a blissful five-minute-period staring at her face as it glowed under the soft early morning light, she slipped silently from the bed and padded through to the living room. As she went, she made sure to shut the doors in between so that sound wouldn't carry through and wake Sabine, meaning she could boil her kettle and have a relatively guilt-free coffee.

A short time later, Beca sat on one of the couches, wrapped in the comforter from the night before while she sipped her coffee and lazily browsed Facebook. After exhausting her newsfeed, she tried to search again for Sabine on the social media platform, but still nothing came up. She huffed a little in frustration, wondering how the woman could be so completely anonymous despite being in a popular musical group back in Germany.

And then before she could stop herself, she'd pulled up YouTube, quickly Googling DSM. It wasn't the first time she'd looked for them online – insomnia and a lingering obsession with a certain blonde had a lot to answer for in the year following the Worlds, but gradually that had tailed off as her work took over and the Kommissar had become a fading memory, but now it was all fresh once more and her natural curiosity niggled at her. She grabbed some earbuds from a shelf underneath her coffee table and settled into her shameless stalking. She left one earbud out, though, just in case Sabine decided to try and sneak up on her like she had in the coffee shop yesterday – the final nail in her coffin of mortifying embarrassment would be Sabine finding her obsessively watching the German's music videos.

The results that came up were all from live performances; unsurprising really, thought Beca. She quickly located the recording of the Auto Show that she knew existed, and pressed play. As she watched, her body remembered the overload of emotions from that day and the echo of adrenaline was making her heart beat that little bit faster. She hadn't watched Sabine on stage for a very long time and now that she knew her on a more personal level, she was excited to watch the Kommissar through new eyes again.

Her breath hitched in her chest when she saw Sabine as the Kommmissar, introducing DSM to the crowd in her pre-recorded message. She could taste the desire and intimidation in her throat all over again, channelling the Beca from that day so many years ago. She remembered how she'd rolled her eyes and folded her arms in a typically Beca-esque sulk, when really it had been to stop herself from immediately grabbing her phone to search the group and stalk their leader on social media for photos of her perfectly-sculpted self. As she watched, the opening bars of Uprising gave way to the marching ranks of DSM, led by Pieter. Wave upon wave of them striding out and forming a skilled swell of music that had intimidated the Bellas a great deal that day. The heavy mist of dry ice hung against the strobe lighting, the backlighting at the centre of the stage gangway suddenly throwing up a tall, proud silhouette stalking into view, reminding Beca of a panther moving through its territory in graceful confidence. The lighting went up and Kommissar leaped into action, striding forward while her voice rose strong and unfaltering to harmonise with Pieter's, both of them leading their crew vocally as well as physically. There was none of the gentle sweetness in that singing that Beca had become familiar with more recently, but she could tell it was the same woman, the huskiness and range to her voice was so unique you couldn't mistake it no matter what she was singing. She marvelled at the way Kommissar moved onstage, her muscles sliding smoothly under fishnet and skin (god bless HD, Beca briefly thought) while her presence was one of unrivalled control and dominance. Beca had had quite a few domination-based daydreams following that performance, but she was struggling currently to pair that persona with Sabine. She understood about stage-character and all of that, hell that was what had gotten her through her own performances, but this was more like a total shift in personality. She watched the video through, remembering at the end her exchange with Kommissar when DSM had confronted the Bellas after the act. The other woman had prowled up to her, oozing unbridled sexual confidence and power. There had been no doubt in Beca's mind that this woman was a leader, and a very strong one at that. You could tell she was used to being in control, having everyone around her obey anything she said and dealing swiftly with anyone who dared to step out of line – literally or figuratively. She searched for their Worlds final performance instead.

Another wave of emotion washed over the small brunette as she saw the shadow of DSM's starting formation. When the Bellas had been backstage watching the German group's performance she'd started to tremble uncontrollably. They were exceptional in their technique and routine and she'd spent the whole time feeling like she was going to throw up right there at the side of the stage. On the video the opening chords ground out through her headphones, every member combining their voices from the start, showing their patriotic unison. The group moved into their ship formation to the increasing pace of their beatboxer, whom Beca marvelled at all over again. Lilly had been driven mad for weeks after the Auto Show, raging about the competition this guy posed to her personally. She hadn't exactly gone around the Bellas' house ranting about it, but you could tell she was pissed. Throwing stars embedded in the walls here and there, knives plunged into chopping boards, traps mysteriously being set up all over campus, it was the subtle signs you had to look for with Lilly.

As the lights went up on the group onstage Beca watched Kommissar closely again, as she had with the previous video. Not as a young, sexually confused and terminally anxious college graduate, but as a confident professional in the music field carefully analysing everything she saw. The Kommissar was raised head-above the rest of her army, and she just looked so perfectly in her element in that moment. Stage performance was like air and water to her, you could see it. She truly came alive on stage with DSM, as though she was made solely for that purpose and it was her calling in life to lead them to victory through battle and hellfire. Her eyes shone with a pride and confidence that couldn't be shaken. As she moved through her routine Beca could see the control in her muscles that came only from hours of practise and refining every tiny detail. Here was a woman that slept, ate and _breathed_ rehearsal. And Beca would be willing to bet that the woman she was watching on the screen hadn't resented any of it because it was her whole life. She felt about her crew and career as a mother might feel about her child. It wasn't a question simply of love, but of utter dedication born of an unbreakable bond, that sort of connection. She breathed out slowly as the final chords rang across the crowd in the video – it was still a magnificent performance. After watching it two more times, she closed that particular video, playing a few that had been filmed in their home country and a couple from DSM covering the Bellas' tour. It suddenly occurred to Beca to have a look for some more recent performances so she scrolled through the results and pulled up one dated from the previous year. DSM still sounded strong and impressive, but also different. Frowning, Beca paused the video and brought her phone right up to her nose nearly, as she squinted to make out the crew. She easily spotted Sabine's huge second-in-command, then the small brunette that had faced off against Chloe during that wacky underground riff off...actually the whole crew looked to be the same except there was no Sabine – Pieter was leading them now, alone. And...yes she was sure of it now. Their beatboxer had left as well. They now had a tall red-haired guy in his place. Curiosity tugged harder at Beca and she grabbed another clip from just two months previously. This one was also recorded in Germany but the songs were in English, and familiar. This performance was different too – it had been set up in a dance studio (with great acoustics, it had to be said) and DSM stood grouped together like a traditional choir. There were no choreographed dance moves at all. It started off as Fallout Boy's 'Immortals' but halfway through the pace slowed right down and the crew brought their voices together to blend into a version of Linkin Park's 'One More Light'. It was a powerful contrast but also a very emotive combination of songs. Pieter was leading the second song, his voice projecting past the rest but there was a slight waver there too. The emotion he put into his singing brought moisture to Beca's eyes and she quickly swiped at her lids to dispel the tears that threatened to well over. She watched the video to the end and just as she was about to minimise it she saw a credit screen appear. It simply had two sets of initials "S.E" and "L.E", and a date under each – one of them showing the video release to be an anniversary. Beca shivered imperceptibly – it was like a memorial to someone, but she couldn't even begin to fathom who. She sat as still as stone while her brain worked overtime to put together puzzle pieces that made no sense. What on earth was going on? Why was Sabine missing from DSM's public performances? There was something very strange going on, but she was damned if she could even begin to get to the bottom of it.


	6. Tea and Lemon

A rumpled shadow padded slowly into the sitting room and Beca looked up instantly from the mix on her laptop to give Sabine a small smile.

"Well good morning sleepyhead." She greeted, popping her earbuds out as Sabine cautiously approached the couch where the brunette was reclining, her legs stretched along the seat, with the laptop resting on her knees. Sabine pressed her fingers hard against her eyes and yawned, looking sleep-mussed and absolutely gorgeous, thought Beca.

"Maus?" She questioned, her voice still husky from sleep. She combed her fingers through her hair in an attempt to tug out some knots. She was dressed only in her long-tailed shirt from the day before and simple black underwear, somehow having shed her lower garments through the night. Beca couldn't stop her eyes from roaming appreciatively over the blonde's body, taking in the long slim legs that went on for _days_ and the adorably messy golden hair. Her eyes were still heavy with sleep, her mouth opened at that moment in a wide yawn. She reached her arms up above her head in a long, languid stretch and Beca's mouth suddenly went very dry at the sight. The movement pushed her breasts against her shirt, showing tantalisingly pebbled nipples (and an obvious lack of a bra, Beca managed to reflect briefly). Her long torso arched backwards and her shirt fell open slightly to expose her soft midriff. Beca had been right, you _could_ still see the faint defining lines of her abs there. Her gaze drifted south, to the plain underwear and her fingers twitched slightly, desperate to -

' _Easy there Beca'_ she told herself suddenly, swallowing the heat of her desire with difficulty. But just as she started to pull her gaze away a stray finger of sunlight caressed the lean abdomen and a faint shimmer just at her bikini line caught Beca's eagle eye. She frowned and squinted at what looked like a pale scar, but Sabine seemed to have noticed the brunette's scrutiny because she quickly lowered her arms and pulled her shirt down to her thighs again, looking incredibly self-conscious all of a sudden. She wrapped her arms around herself for good measure and shifted on her feet anxiously. Beca decided to say nothing for now. She carefully saved her work and closed her laptop, setting it aside and giving herself time to think about what she wanted to say.

Once she'd settled her laptop on the coffee table, she threw off the comforter that had covered her legs and rose slowly from the sofa, taking the opportunity for a stretch herself. Feeling her back and shoulders crackle satisfyingly, she sighed and smiled at Sabine, who turned her gaze quickly away from her. Beca wasn't sure what to make of that...had the German been staring at her the way Beca had stared just moments before? She disregarded the thought almost immediately, not daring to allow it any space in her head. She knew Sabine could have any woman she set her mind on, so there'd be no reason to pick a small, plain mouse like herself. Why else would she call her mouse, after all? She sighed quietly at her dreary internal monologue, but quickly pulled herself together.

"Would you like some tea now, then?" She asked Sabine, a grin forming on her lips as she remembered their conversation in the coffee shop from the day before. The blonde returned the smile tentatively and nodded.

"Yes please, that would be lovely." Beca nodded in satisfaction and stepped towards the kitchenette. She felt more than heard Sabine follow after her, the woman's presence setting off an eerie sixth sense within her. She bustled about gathering together everything she needed for their drinks.

"Earl Grey okay?" She directed the comment to Sabine over one shoulder as she set out two porcelain cups and threw a teabag into one. Sabine agreed eagerly. Beca smirked to herself as she continued. "And lemon?" She heard a slight amusement in Sabine's voice as she replied.

"Goodness, perhaps you do know your tea after all little maus. Yes please, I'd enjoy lemon with my Earl Grey."

"Of course you would, you're a tea snob." Sabine gasped in mock-hurt, though her eyes were full of sparkling amusement. Beca had turned to lean against the counter and watch the other woman while she waited for her tea kettle on the hob top. She folded her arms and grinned smugly. "You can make that face all you want, but you're not denying it?"

Sabine merely shrugged and rested her elbows on the breakfast bar, settling her weight onto them as she ducked her head. "Well how can I? Of course you're right liebling." She glanced up then to stick her tongue out at Beca, who's breath hitched a tiny bit at the sight. Demonstrating iron-will and self control, the brunette turned away from the tantalising sight to busy herself with the cups as the tea kettle started to whistle at her. She set everything out on a tray, water in Sabine's cup and a cafetiere for herself, full of freshly ground coffee. She swept past Sabine and set it on the coffee table, sitting down and waving the blonde over to indicate that the drinks were ready. Sabine dutifully followed and the two sat in silence as Beca prepared them. Sabine watched her carefully, a faint smirk playing at her lips, waiting for her to commit a tea atrocity – which Beca was well aware of. With an air of total aloofness, she carefully prepared the other woman's hot drink for her, extracting the teabag to leave plain tea behind, until she dropped the slice of fresh lemon into it. She gave it a few seconds to infuse before handing it over to Sabine, giving her a sarcastic grin and a tilt of her head as she did. The German tried to look serious as she accepted the drink and blew on it, taking a small, careful sip and then sighing in delight.

"It's perfect." She smiled, as she opened her eyes to look at Beca, throwing her a look of admiration and...something else she couldn't quite define. She nodded once, almost curt.

"Obviously. I told you it would be, didn't I?" She raised her chin defiantly, making Sabine laugh softly.

"Still such a feisty little maus." She commented fondly, eyes shining as she regarded Beca.

They sat quietly for a while, each reclining on a couch as they satisfied their morning caffeine addiction. Sabine eventually let her cup rest on one palm, as she causally broke the silence.

"Well I did say tea was best after a long night. Not quite what I had in mind...but delicious all the same." A wicked glint was directed at Beca again, who snorted into her coffee and glared up at Sabine.

"You're trying to kill me." She muttered, her expression dark. Sabine merely smiled angelically. They lapsed back into silence and continued to drink then, each drifting into their own thoughts. Beca was still hung up over the Sabine riddle from earlier, while the blonde in question appeared to be drifting through softer thoughts. She was the one who spoke aloud the second time as well.

"Thank you for letting me stay last night." Her tone was straight, no more teasing expression just seriousness this time. Beca considered her face before nodding at her and shrugging.

"Of course. I wasn't going to kick you out in the middle of the night and half-asleep."

Sabine looked into her eyes and seemed to be struggling with something before continuing. "No, I mean...thank you for giving up your bed for me. It was far too kind, you didn't have to."

Beca blushed then and looked away, staring a hole into the rug under her feet. "Uhm actually you're right, I didn't have to." Sabine looked confused and the brunette huffed out a breath, bracing herself for the confession she was about to make. "What I mean is...you wouldn't let me go, after I put you to bed last night." She was looking anywhere but at Sabine in that moment. "I put you to bed, and honestly the plan was to sleep on the couch and leave you alone. But you grabbed me and wouldn't let me go!" She coughed in complete embarrassment. "Uhhh...you just pinned me down and asked me not to leave. So...I kinda couldn't, and didn't?" She finished in a high pitch, trailing off into a whisper of mortification. There was a long second where no one said anything and Beca glanced up at Sabine, afraid of what she might see but needing to know what she was thinking.

Sabine looked shocked, her eyes almost totlly round in her surprise.

"Honestly, I didn't intend to be there, I swear!" Beca waved her hands frantically. "I'd never...I mean I _wouldn't_...I'm not like that! I mean don't get me wrong, you're _totally_ gorgeous and yeah it'd be my dream to get into those hot-as-hell pants...waitwhat?" she had become incredibly flustered now, trying to explain that nothing had gone on, hoping desperately to make Sabine believe her. She barrelled on, trying to salvage whatever she could from the disaster this was rapidly becoming. "What I mean is...uhhhhh…dammit!" Dragging her hands through her hair she tried again. "Sabine. I did not take advantage of you last night, I swear. All that happened is we happened to sleep in the same bed. I'm guessing you...ermm kinda took some clothes off at some point...uhm but there was nothing above a U-rating in that room last night, I promise." Another long silence as Sabine stared at her. Beca fidgeted hopelessly with her coffee cup, feeling the weight of disappointment settle in her stomach. Sabine was going to run now. She was going to run away and never speak to her again, or ever want to see her. There'd be no more coffee dates, music made together or shared stories like last night. Her heart sank so low and so fast that it took her breath away briefly. She could feel that tell-tale prickle that forewarned of tears in her eyes. She closed them fiercely and turned her head away.

Eventually there was a noise other than that of the distant traffic on the road below Beca's apartment. It was a soft giggle. Her head shot up in surprise and she stared at Sabine, who was starting to laugh at the situation. Beca could only sit, dumbfounded for a few moments before folding her arms defensively. "And _what_ is so funny?" She demanded, feeling cross at herself. As usual, she'd blown the whole situation out of proportion. The German just shook her head and chuckled.

"Oh Beca! Your face!" She covered her mouth with one hand and tried to stifle her mirth in the hope that it might spare her some of Beca's wrath. "Honestly, it's fine. You don't need to worry!" She leaned forward and, in a reflection of the day on the studio roof terrace, she placed her hand gently on Beca's knee. "I believe you liebling. You don't have a reason to lie to me. I'm surprised it happened, but...you know, I'm kind of glad as well." She smiled at the brunette and her nose wrinkled in a way Beca hadn't seen before but it turned her heart into a puddle at how utterly adorable it was. She relented and uncreased her scowl then.

"Ohh...it's fine. I'm sorry I didn't move sooner, but you're like a really good sleeping pill."

Sabine grinned. "A delicious dinner, good wine and comfortable bed is all it was really, maus. But however the sleep happened, still thank you for allowing me into your home for the night." She moved away from Beca then, tipped the last of her tea down her throat and made to stand up. "And for the tea – I must say, it's quite the best I've tasted since I've been in America. Other than when I make it myself of course." She teased Beca.

The sentence though, far from making the producer laugh caused a sudden flood of thoughts to crash over her, remembering everything she'd wanted to talk to Sabine about. But she found she was too shy to broach the subject.

Sabine appeared to solve the issue for her instead. "Beca?" She questioned, her head on one side. "Are you okay? You look so serious..."

Beca mentally prepared herself. If she didn't ask now, she never would. And if she never asked, she'd kick herself for the rest of her life.

"Sabine.." She took a deep breath. "Why did you leave Das Sound Machine?"

The blonde looked as though Beca had just slapped her. She inhaled sharply and her body stiffened perceptibly. A moment later she found her voice, though it was suddenly hoarse.

"What do you mean?"

"I...I know you're not in DSM any more. I'm just...I..." She cast around desperately for the words she needed, but nothing seemed appropriate so she had to make do with what she had. "What's been going on? You seem like you're hiding something." Which, apparently was total bluntness. Nice, Beca, really tactful. She wanted to stick her fist in her mouth and never try to speak again. The expression on the other woman's face was causing her heart to race. Sabine suddenly looked hunted and she'd turned extremely pale. Her eyes stood out harshly against her almost translucent skin, lips bloodless and hands clenched into fists at her sides. Beca suddenly backtracked. "Never mind!" she hurriedly shook her head, "forget I asked. I shouldn't have, it's totally none of my business-"

Sabine touched cold fingertips to Beca's forearm to still her. She looked directly at the brunette then and swallowed hard before answering in a very quiet voice. "No...you're right Beca. I owe you the truth I suppose. And I promise I will tell you." The two women stood staring at each other for a long moment, before Sabine cast her eyes down and away, wrapping her arms around herself as though forming a shield. "But...would you do something for me first?" Beca nodded slowly, astounded at the multiple rapid changes in their morning scenario and wondering what could possibly be coming next. She braced herself.

"...would you go on a date with me, Beca Mitchell?"

Beca hastily expelled the breath she'd been holding. Whatever she'd been expecting, it hadn't been that. Never in a million years had it been that. Something warm blossomed inside her, planting a seed from the centre of her soul and growing rapidly to take over her whole being. Despite the serious tone of moments before, hope burned brightly within her. Did this acually mean Sabine felt something for her? If that was true it was more than she could ever have hoped for, almost as though one of her many dreams was coming true, despite everything in her telling her it wasn't possible, couldn't be true. She almost pinched herself to check she was actually awake. Her gaze refocussed and she saw Sabine looking at her unblinkingly, anxiety tangible in every tense line of her face. Of course, she was expected to say something now, wasn't she? What was it again? Words. Words would be good...English Beca, let's go!

"Ohmygodyes!" she blurted suddenly, a lot louder than she meant to but she apparently had no control over her own basic functions right now. Sabine jumped slightly at the volume, but heaved a great sigh of relief, smiling suddenly at Beca and it warmed her heart – it was like seeing the sun shine brightly after a heavy rain shower. She reflected that she'd never tire of seeing that...and then she remembered the deal she had with Sabine, the reason they now had to rapidly plan a date. She sobered slightly. This might be the only chance she got, who knows what might happen after her and the German had talked at length on the more serious matter she'd mentioned. She flooded with resolve then, knowing that no matter what Sabine had to say to her Beca would never let her go. They were just touching on this new journey and she'd be damned if she was going to abandon it suddenly, no matter what Sabine had to say. It couldn't possibly be bad anyway, she told herself, allowing joy to flicker tentatively to life inside of her.

Sabine watched the myriad expressions swim across Beca's face, caught the light starting to burn brightly within her and hated herself for it. This newfound feeling was wonderful, raw and frightening, and she wasn't prepared for it at all. She tried her hardest to push it away, while branding herself with the image of Beca as she looked right now so that she'd never forget – all hope and desire, an unearthly shine flaring behind her deep navy eyes. It wouldn't last, she knew without a doubt. This date was her one chance with the woman she so desperately wanted to love; she knew that afterwards, when she revealed her truths to Beca, her maus would never want to see or know her again. But until then…

"It's a date then."


	7. Dancing in the Dark

This chapter's in two scenes and I wrote them while listening to particular songs, so I don't know if you wanted to find them or anything? Just in case, the first half was Luminous by Lensko, you'll know which point I mean ;) and in the second half, where the two are talking about a particular song (again, you'll know) it was In un'altra vita by Ludovico Einaudi. It captures pretty much what I was going for.

* * *

The music in the club was vibrating through Beca's chest before they'd even made it through the door, and once they were in she immediately felt her body begin to move to the beat without even thinking about it. From the corner of her eye she caught Sabine doing exactly the same and grinned – this had definitely been a good idea and she gave herself a triumphant pat on the back.

After agreeing to Sabine's date, Beca had suggested going that night as it was a Saturday and neither had to be in the studio over the weekend. It had seemed like perfect timing so they agreed and parted ways to ready themselves for the evening. The brunette had agreed to let Sabine choose their dinner venue on the proviso that she could sort the after-dinner entertainment. Sabine had nodded once, smirking at something Beca couldn't fathom but she didn't linger on it for long as she had a serious amount of getting ready to do. There was an unspoken agreement between the two that what was to come afterwards was to be put aside for the night, and they were to enjoy themselves without any brooding.

And so here she was, three hours of prep and a gorgeous candlelit dinner later, a stunning blonde on her arm (who was turning the heads of everyone in the vicinity, she noted with a hint of jealousy), tugging her date to the bar and setting them up with cocktails and a small line of shots each. Sabine gave Beca a deadpan look and raised her eyebrows. Beca grinned, mouthing _'What?'_ and Sabine moved in so that her lips were right by the other woman's ear.

"Are you trying to get me drunk maus?"

Beca feigned innocence and pretended to be offended. "As if I would?" Sabine gave her that all-too-familiar smirk and knocked back all of the shots _and_ her cocktail within minutes, before leaning in again, her breath sugary and intoxicating now.

"You should know I hold my drinks very well, meine maus. Good luck!" And she winked as she drew back, licking the excess sweetness of her drinks from her lips before starting to weave her hips seductively to the music throbbing around them, arms held out to signal for her petite date to join her. Beca gulped a little at the sight and quickly nailed her own drinks, slid from her stool and joined her sultry temptress. Hands held tightly, they wove through the crowd to the dance floor and began to move together, allowing the music to guide them. Beca found herself lost in the base, the natural dancer in her coming to life and moving her body in a way that was totally alien to her at any other point in her life. Her eyes closed and she felt herself smile in enjoyment at the feeling of freedom, until warm fingers wrapped around her hips firmly, bringing her senses back to the woman who was now pressed behind her, dancing in perfect rhythm with her. She grinned, knowing that she'd made the right choice in outfit – a _very_ fitted black lace number, with an open back that showed off her now-impressive skin art to perfection, and absolutely killer heels that did wonders for her ass (even she had to admit that), finished with her hair pinned up on one side and swept over the opposite shoulder in wide auburn curls. Likewise, Sabine had arrived to their date dressed to kill, in a navy blue playsuit that showcased her endless legs stunningly and contrasted beautifully with her skin tone. Her hair was braided into a fauxhawk, make-up flawless and smoky, silver heels and a crisp white blazer to finish the look. Beca had been left speechless when she first saw Sabine, who'd laughed and gently lifted her hanging jaw shut. Despite Beca feeling there was no way she could ever compete with that and make herself desirable to Sabine, here was the goddess herself, running her hands over her like there was no one else she would ever want in the whole world.

The club was heating up and the two women were dancing relentlessly to each track that came on, getting closer and closer until one track faded in that made Beca jump up and down in excitement, accidentally crushing Sabine's foot with one of her towering heels. She apologised profusely, face bright red in embarrassment as Sabine doubled over in pain, but moments later her date was laughing, straightening up to grasp the brunette's face in both of her hands.

"It's okay liebling, honestly! Maybe don't do it again though, ja?" She yelled over the music. Beca nodded, mortified. She leaned in to make herself heard better.

"I'm so sorry, I just got really excited...this is my track! I'm surprised they still play it!"

Sabine turned her face to Beca's, looking seriously impressed. "This is yours? It is fantastich!" She called, slipping into German by mistake as she tried to make herself heard. Beca ducked her head, grinning at the compliment and shrugged.

"Ah its okay I guess!" She responded in a shout. "I used to DJ here a lot while I was still a grunt at the studio, they must have kept a few of my tracks!"

Sabine smiled at her excitement and grabbed Beca again, pulling her close. "Let's dance then, to my maus's music." She breathed in the brunette's ear, making her knees go weak at the sensation of warm hands on the bare skin of her back, tracing the tattooed skin delicately. She ran her tongue over her suddenly dry lips and nodded, laying her arms over Sabine's shoulders and linking her hands together around her neck. The German woman smiled and closed her eyes in apparent bliss, leaning their foreheads together and moving to the beats of Beca's own music.

If anyone had told a sexually flustered young Beca all those years ago at the Worlds that one day the object of her obsession would be dancing with her in a club to _her own music_ she'd have had them on the next bus to the funny farm. But here she was, pressed against the absolute goddess who was caressing her and winding her hips tantalisingly against her own, stirring fiery desire to life with each base pulse. Beca thanked her lucky stars that she'd had the foresight to make this track a little longer than average.

She found herself staring into Sabine's pale blue cat-like eyes as they danced, watching the way they glinted under the strobe lighting. Her gaze moved to the high cheekbones that looked as though they could cut a man at twenty paces, highlighted to perfection, and then down to her lips. They looked like velvet and good enough to eat. She caught her own bottom lip between her teeth as warmth rose in her and she realised she was staring way too much. She turned her head away in embarrassment, knowing Sabine would have caught her ogling so blatantly. This might be a date, but it was a _first_ date, with a woman that she realistically knew very little about if their conversation that morning had been anything to go by. Her thoughts were interrupted a moment later when feather-light fingers guided her back to face the blonde and she looked up once more into those glittering eyes. Sabine stared at her, projecting a silent question through the hot, beat-heavy air and Beca suddenly had a rush of understanding. She nodded once, faintly and the other woman closed the space between them, pressing her lips to Beca's. The brunette felt herself melt against her body then, her senses igniting at the sensation of Sabine's hot, impossibly soft kiss. Time slowed to a standstill in that moment, everything around them ceasing to exist. Beca's hands dropped to Sabine's hips and pulled her closer, wanting to feel the other woman as close to her as possible. She gave a tiny, almost imperceptible moan into Beca's lips and the brunette took a chance at that point to test the waters further and run her tongue along Sabine's, pushing the kiss deeper. She wasn't rejected, in fact her blonde goddess reciprocated slowly, languidly (god that word just summed up the all-sorts of sexy that this woman was, reflected Beca at the back of her mind). As they kissed, while Sabine was responding with as much desire as Beca was putting in, the smaller woman was surprised to realise that she was the one taking the lead – she'd always had the impression that this woman was one to take charge in any situation, sexual exploits being no exception. But despite her initiating the kiss, Beca was now the one running the sexy-time show.

Not that she was complaining, because she was ready to commit all kinds of sin with this angel's body. She smiled into their kiss at the thought and broke away from Sabine's lips to move her her neck, thankful for both heels and the fact that there wasn't as much of a height difference between them as she'd first thought. Sabine had turned her head slightly so that Beca could lay kisses all down the smooth column of her neck, inhaling the soft cinnamon-laced perfume as she went. Of all the things that had changed about this wondrous woman, her intoxicating scent hadn't. She grazed her teeth lightly against the rapid pulse just beneath Sabine's jaw and felt the hiss of breath, hands tightening around her waist and the skin under her own fingers heating up rapidly. Beca kissed back down to her collarbone and bit softly on the plush skin of another pulse point, while trailing her hands from Sabine's hips to the hem of her shorts. She ran her fingers lightly over the silky thighs, feeling goosebumps erupt as the blonde shivered; feeling particularly bold then, she slipped her hands under the hem of her playsuit shorts and found the divinely soft swell of her ass. She couldn't help but squeeze her fingers into the pliable flesh, eliciting a sharp gasp from the other woman. Sabine gripped Beca's hips then and quickly flipped her around so that she was pressed against the brunette's back. The smaller woman protested briefly at the loss of contact but Sabine moved them to the rhythm of the music once again and began to kiss down Beca's neck as she'd done to the blonde just moments before. Her hands started to run up the front of her lace dress and found the low split in the front, briefly dancing over the surface before gently sliding her fingers under the flimsy material to caress the bare breast she found underneath. Deft fingers kneaded the skin and began to tease a nipple, causing Beca to throw her head back over Sabine's shoulder, her breathy moans right in line with Sabine's ear. The blonde bit gently on Beca's earlobe and pulled the other woman tighter against her, grinding her hips against her seductively.

"Naughty maus!" she chided softly, though Beca somehow heard it over the chaos of the club. "I wonder, have you left _all_ of your underwear at home?" long, elegant fingers ran over the skin-tight surface of the dress and she almost purred. "Hmm...it seems maybe you have." Beca reached up with one hand and pushed their lips together again, harshly this time in a kiss that was blazing with desire. _'Fuck it'_ she thought _'if this is the only chance I'll get then I'm gonna make the most of it!'_ She moved to breathlessly speak into Sabine's ear.

"Oh no, how careless of me. Maybe we need to go back and find it then…?"

Sabine turned enough that she could look into Beca's navy eyes, saw them darkened to the colour of midnight with pure desire. She gave a small grin, her own eyes glinting darkly too. The two women had quickly come to the same level of understanding, despite their past awkwardness. Beca suddenly stood up straight, grabbed Sabine's hand and dragged her from the nightclub.

Piano music played softly in the background and candles lit Sabine's skin to a glorious honey glow. Beca gazed over the smooth back that she was tracing lazy patterns onto, before worshipping it with another butterfly-soft kiss. The woman underneath her hummed and stretched then, turning to face Beca and smiling peacefully. In that moment she looked as though every care in the world had fallen from her shoulders and it left Beca a little breathless at how beautiful she was.

Sabine reached a hand out and caressed Beca's face softly. "What are you thinking, liebling?" Her voice was so soft, full of peace. The brunette let herself smile at her.

"Just that you're the most heavenly thing I've ever seen." She leaned down as Sabine laughed at the corny statement, capturing the blonde's mouth in a slow, deep kiss. They sighed against each other and Beca curled up against Sabine's side. They were naked in her bed, a sheet thrown carelessly over their lower halves; much fun had been had in that bed tonight and Beca grinned at the memories already resurfacing. It had been everything she'd dreamed about, and then more. Wild, unbridled passion, heat, fighting for dominance. But then the second time was slower, more observant of each other's bodies and responses, drawing out the pleasure gradually to make the peak of release more heady. Sabine certainly knew her way around a woman, that was for sure. And Beca was pretty sure she'd given at least as good as she got. As the vision next to her gave another deep sigh of contentment, Beca rested her head on her shoulder and resumed her skin-tracing, on the woman's front this time.

They lay in comfortable silence, listening to Beca's playlist as it wound through the peace of the room, neither feeling the need to break the silence just yet. They kept glancing at each other, little smiles of silliness flashing across their mouths each time they did. Beca nuzzled Sabine's shoulder as she ran her fingers over the curves and lines of the other woman. She let her gaze drift over the velvet skin, watching muscles twitch here and there as she discovered ticklish spots, making her chuckle quietly now and again. Her hand drifted over a sharp hipbone, and she leaned over and kissed it gently, then settled her head on the soft stomach of _her_ goddess. How she loved calling her that, even if it was only in her own head. More softness ran under her fingers as she closed her eyes briefly, so that she could focus only on touch.

Beca's eyes drifted open as she felt something rough under her fingertips. Looking along the plane of Sabine's abdomen she saw the scar she thought she'd spotted before, able to look at it fully now. It ran horizontally from the base of one hipbone to the other, flat and thin making her think it must be fairly old at least. She frowned a little and traced it softly a few times over, feeling the texture of it, scar tissue knotted underneath when she applied a little pressure to it. She felt Sabine raise her head from the pillow.

"Maus…?"

And now, here was where it was to end. Beca could feel it, sinking into her like a stone dropping into a fathomless lake. She wasn't ready for this yet, she realised, and so she diverted. She saved her last kiss for the scar she'd been idly stroking, and then got up from the bed. She saw Sabine sit up and begin to wrap the sheet around herself, her expression tight now. She lightly touched her arm, knowing the woman was thinking of the deal they'd made.

"I'm going to get us some drinks, stay there gorgeous." Throwing on the sleep shirt that had been abandoned on the chair in the corner, she wandered out to the kitchenette. She returned after several minutes, bearing two tumblers of amber liquid. Without a word, she offered one to Sabine who took it and gave it a long look. "It's whisky." Reassured Beca, taking a sip of her own and feeling it slide easily down her throat. She closed her eyes and sighed. "A damn fine one, actually."

Sabine raised her glass in a silent toast to Beca and took a measured sip, nodding her head at the pleasant mustiness of the aged single malt. "That _is_ good." She agreed, after allowing it to warm her. She sat on the edge of the bed, cradling the glass in her hands and staring into space. Beca approached and knelt on the floor in front of her, placing her glass on the night stand so that she could rub her hands gently up and down Sabine's thighs to try and soothe her out of her sudden tenseness. They sat like that for a long moment, the blonde trying to sort her thoughts and the brunette wishing they weren't needing to do this. She decided to voice as much.

"Y'know Sabine, I won't hold you to our deal. Tonight has been amazing and I-" but Sabine cut her off with a shake of her head and took another sip of her whisky.

"Nein liebling. I made a promise to you. And...it's about time. I suppose if I'm honest with you then perhaps I can begin to be honest with myself too."

Beca's heart was beginning to beat faster, wondering what on earth she was about to hear. She took a deep breath and prepared to say...something, anything that would preserve the night, but just then her playlist changed and Sabine stiffened as they both heard her track begin to play. Track six, the one they hadn't yet been able to sort out.

It was still in the rough edit stage but the sound was beautiful nonetheless, the opening melody sweet and simple, softly hopeful in its tone. "Shit!" Beca muttered, moving to turn it off, but Sabine's hand stopped her suddenly. "I'm sorry, I keep the work files on there too, the playlist must be on auto I didn't think..." She wasn't about to admit to the other woman that the song was on a playlist because she listened to it every night to get herself to sleep. That she kept it to hear the voice she had come to crave like a drug. She looked up at Sabine; the woman hadn't moved, but her hand was still on Beca's arm, keeping her still. Her gaze was unfocussed as she let the melody wash over her but her eyes were glistening with tears. Beca frowned.

"Sabie…?" She asked, quietly uncertain. The other woman looked down to her then, a single tear dropping from her lower lashes onto her cheek and rolling down her face. Beca felt it drip onto her own skin but she was rooted in place from shock. What was happening? Sabine took a deep breath and her voice was low and rough then, as she tried to talk through the vast sea of emotions washing through her.

"I'm sorry Beca." She said simply, looking away again. "I didn't mean to...I-I haven't heard the song played back before."

Beca was shocked. "Ever?" She asked. The other woman shook her head in the negative.

"Not ever, no. When I recorded the demo, I just sent it straight out. During recording, I've let everyone else deal with it and simply tell me what to do with it. I only know what I hear when I play it. This..." She waved her hand to indicate the swelling music, but found she hadn't the words to continue. She put her face in her hands and Beca could hear her breathing deeply to try and compose herself. She felt she should do something for Sabine, but she had no idea where to start with that. Before her dilemma reached fever pitch however, the blonde had removed her hands and set them resolutely on her knees, straightening her back and looking like she'd come to some sort of conclusion. This was it, Beca could sense it. There was no going back.

"I never told you the name of this track, did I?" She asked. Beca shook her head in the negative. Sabine's smile then was infinitely sad as she continued. "It's called Lullaby." Beca paused, tilting her head to listen to the music and slowly nodded as she matched the name to it, feeling that it was right in every sense.

Sabine took a deep breath. "I wrote it..."

Beca was staring at her expectantly. Both women held their breath as an eternity ticked by. And then Sabine finished in little more than a whisper.

"I wrote it for my son."


	8. Sweet Child O' Mine

I'll warn you now, this is a very intense and long chapter that deals with themes of non-consensual sex, attempted suicide, physical assault and infant death. It's heavy and dark I'm afraid, but I didn't want to downplay the trauma of events that can and have happened to women everywhere, that happen on a daily basis. I also don't want to upset anyone that has personally experienced any of these issues, as that was never my intention, so as a guide anything that follows the phrase "flashback" will be pretty hardcore. If you feel it would be a trigger for anything, or would prefer to avoid it, that's where to stop. You can start again where it says "end flashback" to return to the story, it should be okay in the present-timeline parts. Alternatively, you can skip the chapter. If that's the case then let me know and I can post a 'summary' chapter for the contents of this one that just outline the gist of it instead.

Please forgive me for everything I'm about to do guys…

* * *

Beca had absolutely nothing to say. She was rigid with shock and she knew her mouth was hanging open. She managed to snap her teeth back together after a moment and knocked back some of her whisky, trying to think through the buzzing in her ears. The drink set fire to enough of her neurons for her to form a sentence. She croaked to life. "You have a-"

"Had." Sabine cut her off. Their eyes met and suddenly Beca understood so many of the emotions she'd seen roiling in those turbulent eyes this whole time. Pain, anguish, regret, self-hatred even. And then the other woman lowered her gaze. "Yes." She answered Beca's silent question. "He...died. I apologise, I don't have the English idioms to make that any less blunt. He was very tiny, and very sick. The Lullaby...I sang it to him from the day I knew I would grow with him to the day I lost him forever." Her eyes shimmered and she swallowed thickly. Beca found her own eyes were wet and she blinked quickly in an attempt to stop the inevitable.

She felt the million-and-one questions rising like a tidal wave and Sabine could obviously see it happening. She closed her eyes then and hung her head.

"There is quite a story here. Are you sure you wish to hear it?" Beca nodded fiercely and reached out to grasp her wrist.

"I do. But only if you want to tell me – and only whatever you feel ready to."

Sabine smiled thinly. "You're a good woman Beca, meine engel. It's you who should have the name, not someone like me."

Beca had no reply to the deeply emotional comment, she was surprised by Sabine's high opinion of her and could only stroke the inside of her wrist in response, rubbing her thumb softly up and down the silky skin. Sabine was silent as she wondered where to begin now, then drew a deep breath that shook ever so slightly.

"So, you remember DSM?" Beca nodded. "All of them?" She nodded again. "Hm. And the beatboxer, Andrei?"

Beca nodded again, one short incline of her head. The feeling that had been niggling at the back of her mind, the uncomfortable itch since she'd first seen the new DSM recordings, suddenly rose in her mind once more. She waited for Sabine to continue.

* FLASHBACK *

"Sabie, are you joining us for a 'team building' meal?" Called Pieter, wiggling his eyebrows at his best friend, knowing really that she wouldn't miss the chance to eat her weight in veggie burgers at the team's favourite restaurant around the corner. She grinned over at him as she packed her kit bag.

"Of course! I wouldn't miss it for the world – the food I mean. The team building not so much!"

Pieter stuck his tongue out at her and she giggled in response. "Okay, okay, just give me a few minutes I need to shower if we're going out." Pieter nodded as the various DSM members filed past them, heaving his own kit bag over his shoulder.

"Don't be too long or we'll have to leave without you. Ellin looks like she's going to chew someone's leg off if we don't get food into her soon." He rolled his eyes as he said it and Sabine laughed again, picking up her bag and starting to run towards the dance studio's changing rooms.

"Don't worry, I won't be long. I'll meet you outside in ten minutes I promise!"

Pieter waved his hand dismissively, knowing that it was a blatant lie but accepting it anyway. Sabine hurried off through the changing rooms, dropping her kit bag on a bench near the showers. After pulling out a towel and wash bag, she slipped out of her sweaty training clothes and headed towards the wet room area. She turned the water up until it was almost unbearably hot and stepped under the heavy stream – perfect for post-dance muscle aches, and it made her groan quietly in satisfaction. She allowed the water to beat down over tired shoulders and ease her back, before leaning her head back so it could run through her sweat-dampened hair. As the water massaged her scalp she moaned again – post-practise showers always felt amazing.

"That's a very enjoyable sound you make."

Sabine jumped violently and snapped her eyes open, immediately trying to cover as much of herself as possible with nothing but her two hands. In front of her, just beyond the reach of the water, stood Andrei. He was perfectly still, hands in pockets as he stared at her, eyes sliding all over her naked body. Despite feeling incredibly vulnerable, a flash of anger burned through her.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she demanded, the sound of Kommissar threading through her voice, hiding the apprehension she felt. Andrei ignored her.

"Perhaps you would make some of those sounds for me." His face was practically unreadable, appearing calm but for the darkly predatory look in his eyes and Sabine felt a heavy ball of fear drop into the pit of her stomach. She realised just how bad the situation was and her mind began to race trying to find a way out of it.

"Andrei-"

"Yes Sabine, do say my name. It sounds so good in your voice..."

Sabine shuddered and backed instinctively against the wall. Her eyes flickered out towards the changing rooms as she calculated an escape route but a moment later his figure shadowed her vision, cutting off her hopes of salvation. She looked instead up into Andrei's hard eyes. "Please don't do this..." she whispered, her heart beating wildly in her chest while tears threatened at the corners of her eyes. Andrei only sneered at her and she knew what was in his mind at that moment, knew what he intended. Nausea washed over her as he smirked and reached forward slowly. She cringed into the cold, tiled wall behind her as his hand moved closer but just as his fingertips brushed her upper arm she ducked under his grasp and leaped forward. She whipped past him, eyes on the door to the changing rooms. Hope added strength to her strides as she sped towards her escape.

The next minute however, she was yanked back sharply, Andrei's hand wrapped in her wet hair and pulling her down, back towards him. She cried out in agony, and he kissed her roughly to silence her, biting hard on her lower lip and drawing blood. She felt it seep into her mouth, could taste the bitter tang of iron against her tongue. She screamed against his mouth, struggling until she broke free, calling out then in a wordless panicked cry. She could hear her voice as though it was coming from someone else, high and shrill, totally out of control. No longer the measured Kommissar of Das Sound Machine. A powerful hand closed around her throat and she began to gasp, scrabbling against Andrei's squeezing grip. He knew just the right amount of pressure to apply to silence her but not allow her to black out.

"Scream again and I'll kill you." He said simply. He was cold and completely in control, devoid of emotion. And that terrified Sabine more than if he'd been angry. Anger was passionate and opened itself up to mistakes, it would give her a possibility of getting away. But he was totally calm on the surface. When he said he'd kill her she knew he wasn't threatening, merely stating a fact. She wheezed against his choke-hold and he watched her eyes roll back into her head before he released his grip, throwing her to the floor. White-hot pain flashed behind Sabine's eyes as her head connected with the corner of a bench on the way down and she curled up on the floor cradling her hands around her skull, feeling her consciousness start to swim almost instantly. She wished with all her heart that this was the worst he could do to her, but she knew she wouldn't get away with just that. She prayed for a miracle all the same, as she felt him grab her shoulders and turn her over. She made pleading eye contact one last time but said nothing to him, her thoughts beginning to disjoint after the blow to her head. He stood up and she looked away then, turning her head to the side. She heard fabric moving and felt his weight against her, bile rising to her throat. She focused on one corner near the door of the changing rooms, ignoring the tears that started to flow free from her eyes, burning tracks across the bridge of her nose and down one cheek.

Sabine huddled under the still-running shower, her arms wrapped around her knees and drawing them up under her chin. She was shivering violently, her teeth clattering against each other while she cried silently, eyes wide open leaking salt water to mingle with the shower droplets running over her skin. She was in shock, unable to process the events that had unfolded. Andrei had left her lying on the floor of the changing room, bitten, bruised and aching deep inside. When she heard the changing room door shut behind him she'd crawled back to the familiarity of the hot water and begun to scrub at her body as hard as she could. She felt as though with enough force perhaps she could eradicate the physical marks of the last half an hour along with his scent and fluids.

Eventually Sabine rose, turned off the shower and headed back to her bag with her towel wrapped around her. She felt as though she was trying to wade through treacle – her legs were heavy and stiff and her brain was barely functioning. She sat slowly on the bench next to her kit bag, hissing as pain stung at various parts of her.

After a few moments of her staring into space blankly, a soft chime made her turn her gaze down and she saw her phone lighting up in her bag. She reached for it in a daze and glanced at the screen. Messages and missed calls from Pieter.

 **Pieter:** Hurry up.

 **Pieter:** Where are you?

 **Pieter:** We NEED to go Ellin's looking at me like I'm her next meal

 **(3 missed calls)**

 **Pieter:** Andrei just passed on your message, sorry you're feeling sick liebling! Be careful getting home, I'll check in on you when I get back. Let me know if you need anything? P x

He'd even lied to Pieter about it, to curb any suspicion about her long shower or her being missing.

Sabine threw her phone back into her bag and began to sob into her hands, bent double, her whole body shaking hard as she cried her heart out feeling totally broken beyond the physical aspects. Her entire life would never be the same again, she recognised that. But what could she do?

Sabine awoke to crisp white sheets and Pieter's sleeping face resting by her left elbow. She blinked slowly and tried to recall anything that might help her. Glancing around she guessed she was in a hospital room by the look of it and her brain started to tick faster as it caught up.

Andrei...the shower room...she could feel a panic attack begin to grip her and her breath rasped in her throat as it closed over. She tensed and the tears began again, she felt like all she would ever be capable of now was crying. They trailed over her cheeks and soaked into her soft golden hair, then her pillow, leaving little dark patches behind. Pieter must have been disturbed by the change in her breathing because he woke up then and grabbed her hand roughly as he tried to make eye contact.

"Sabie!" he gasped, the pet name falling easily from his lips in his haste to ensure his best friend was okay. He reached a hand up to stroke her hair, trying to calm her but she flinched at the touch and cried out. He drew his hand quickly away and shushed her gently instead, trying his best to ease her anxiety. Gradually, Sabine's panicked breaths slowed and her eyes became less wild. She looked at her friend, noting the grey skin and sleep-deprivation that he wore like an old coat.

"Pieter..." her voice was rough and faint, the rich tones he was used to hearing being replaced with an aged wheeze.

"I'm here Sabie." He murmured, rubbing her hand softly.

"What...what happened?" She asked him, wide blue eyes imploring. He gazed intently at her and shook his head, his own eyes overly-bright.

"I hoped you could tell me Sabie." he shrugged. She frowned, confused.

"Why am I here?" she questioned, motioning to the hospital surroundings with just eye movements. A tear definitely shone on Pieter's face then.

"You don't remember?" He almost-whispered. She shook her head, baffled. "I...I found you. I was worried with you having been ill...when I came to check on you...Oh Sabie!" And he broke down completely. Pieter, her staunch, shit-talking right-hand man was sobbing like a child in front of her. She stared at him in horror.

"Pieter what are you talking about?"

He glared at her then and threw an empty pill bottle into her lap. "Perhaps this will jog your memory." He muttered harshly, pain and exhaustion turning him harsh. Her eyes widened as memories came flooding back…

Sitting on the edge of her bed, in the apartment she shared with Pieter, knowing he'd be gone at rehearsals for the afternoon. Knowing it was enough time.

Tipping pills out into her hands and swallowing them like candy along with as much vodka as she could manage. The alcohol burned at her, but never enough to absolve everything inside of her…

She stared vacantly down at the IV ports in her arms, pumping her full of fluids to counteract the overdose. Pieter glared at her.

"You did a pretty thorough job according to the doctors."

Sabine dropped her eyes and turned her gaze away from him. "Not thorough enough it would seem." She murmured, trying desperately to hold back the torment that was building. He growled at her.

"If I hadn't needed to come back for my phone charger, I wouldn't have been there to check on you..." He winced and more tears fell. Sabine felt her heart break into brittle little shards as she watched the closest person she'd ever had to an actual brother crumble into an emotional mess. Over her. She shrank away from him, wishing he wouldn't waste his tears on her. "Why Sabie?" He begged, through his sorrow. "Why would you do this to yourself? I thought you could tell me anything." He tried to look into her eyes, to get an answer from her, but she couldn't face the feelings of guilt and self-disgust that reared and threatened to drown her. She swallowed past the lump and rolled onto her side in the hospital bed, turning her back on him and curling in on herself.

"I guess not." He finished quietly, his voice weighed down with hurt. After a pause, she heard him turn and leave the room. As the door closed behind him she squeezed her eyes shut against yet more tears, exhausted with everything.

She dry-heaved as she stared at the little blue lines. The test lines had appeared even before the control, strong and definite. There was no mistaking the positive. She let the plastic stick fall from her hands and clatter to the bathroom floor, her eyes wide as her brain went into overdrive.

Suddenly she rushed for the toilet and vomited the entire contents of her stomach, not morning sickness this time but an overwhelming rise of emotions too complex for her to sift through all at once. She had cried herself out long ago, but it didn't stop the wail of despair that burst from the depths of her soul, her cracked lips bleeding as her mouth stretched wide around the inhuman sound she had no control over.

Pieter burst through the door at that moment, his face pale. "Sabie!" He cried out, obviously expecting the worst. What he found was the ghost-like shell of his friend kneeling on the floor with her head buried in arms that were crossed over the toilet seat. She was moaning incoherently into her sleeves, a horrible keening sound that tore at his heart. He put his hands on her shoulders but she was immovable, so he opted for crouching next to her and rubbing slow circles on her back instead. Since she'd been discharged from the hospital several weeks before, she'd retreated back to her room and said nothing more to him. He'd continued to try and draw her out, to get to the bottom of the sudden and extreme decline she'd gone through but no answers were forthcoming. It was baffling, everything had seemed just fine in her life until...one day it just wasn't. She'd even stopped going to DSM rehearsals, dropped out of the group altogether. Any time he mentioned her coming back she'd have a severe panic attack and end up curled tightly into a ball on her bed, her face tucked into her knees as she rocked and gasped, shuddering with adrenaline, fear and tears.

He frowned to himself as he made soothing nonsense sounds, still rubbing softly at her back. What should he do? What _could_ he do? Without any clue as to why this was happening…

His eyes fell on the pregnancy test lying on the bathroom floor. The blood drained from his own face and it felt as though ice had washed suddenly right through him all the way to his feet. His hands fell away from her as he reached out slowly to pick it up and look carefully at it. He didn't need to be a genius to at least figure that much out. He cleared his throat carefully.

"Sabie..." The tone in his voice this time made her look up long enough to catch sight of his expression. He held up the test where she could also see it. "I think it's time you told me what's been going on."

 ***END FLASHBACK***

Deafening silence filled the room as Sabine paused for breath. She'd been talking continuously in a soft voice for the last hour, tears cascading over her cheeks at points but never wavering from her intention. Beca was sitting in stunned silence, one hand covering her mouth in shock and anguish while her cheeks were shining and wet with the tears she'd shed herself. She swallowed thickly.

"Sabine-" Her voice was cracked and she cleared her throat to continue. "What..." But she didn't know what she wanted to ask or say first. She shrugged and gazed helplessly at the blonde before her. She wanted nothing more than to comfort her, to draw her into her arms and fill her with so much love that she would never feel pain or fear again. The German, however, shook her head slowly.

"It is still only half of the story liebling." She sighed and straightened herself once more. "A lot changed within me that day, the day I learned I was carrying my son. Despite everything, I vowed I would keep him and try to love him enough to erase the stain of his conception." She winced as more painful memories surfaced. "It may seem strange that I'd want to keep a child from such circumstances, but...I hadn't ever considered having children before then. I was a career-driven lesbian with no time for a relationship, never mind all of the fuss that came with having a child as well. The beauty to being gay as I'm sure you know, Beca, is no unwanted pregnancies." She gave a short, bitter laugh as she looked at the brunette and shrugged. "But being faced with such a situation, I found a new side to myself forming, one that was full of sentimentality and hope. Hope that the tiny life I was partly responsible for would help me to become something better, something new and strong again. I discounted Andrei from it all and focussed on my part in it – I was the one growing him, nurturing him, forming every tiny little habit and characteristic he would have for the rest of his life. And truly, in that moment I found the strength I needed to live. I believed, briefly, that I could have a shot at being a good person." Her head hung then, chin leaning on her chest as she drew in a shaky breath.

"Of course Pieter dragged the truth out of me that day on the bathroom floor. Eventually I told him what had happened. He was my best friend, I knew in that moment that I could turn to him for support. He was so angry..." She closed her eyes tightly as she remembered the roar of pure rage that had torn itself from Pieter's chest when she told him. Absolute white-hot fury burned in his eyes and he'd clenched his fists tightly, desperate to pummel the so-called man that had broken his Sabine, the woman he saw as his little sister and doted on as such. She'd cringed away from him in fear when she saw his anger rise, and he'd immediately returned to comforting her to try and bring her back to him. "He promised me he'd protect me, that he'd help me though everything. But passion is a terrible thing at times Beca. He was a man with a strong love of all that is honest and just in the world, he couldn't let something like that go unpunished I suppose. And so, in his own way, he tried to fix things."

Beca shifted slightly, easing muscles that had become stiff from sitting on the floor at Sabine's feet for so long. Her drink was long-since gone and she placed her empty glass on the bedside table, to break up the stiffness of her posture and fill the small silence left by Sabine. After a second, the other woman continued.

"Eventually I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion and he put me to bed, then it would seem he went to seek out Andrei. I hadn't spoken to him after he...attacked me. So of course he knew nothing, and my absence from DSM was a source of gossip for the others but there was no information to be gained from it – I'd spoken to no one and Pieter hadn't told them about the suicide attempt. Despite everything, he worked hard to keep my dignity intact. That much I'll always be grateful for. I guess he managed to find Andrei in the end though, because the next time I was alone in our apartment he turned up at the door." She shuddered then, wrapping her arms around herself as though she could shield herself physically from the memories. Beca rose and went to sit tentatively next to Sabine, waiting for the other woman to move to give her a sense of what action to take next. The blonde turned and leaned into Beca, so she wrapped an arm around her and began to rub her arm softly to try and offer some sort of support. After a long moment, Sabine drew back.

"Andrei demanded that I abort the baby. He wanted no lasting evidence of the attack and he feared I could go to the authorities once the baby was born and convict him with a DNA test. I told him whatever I needed to, to get him to leave me alone and in one piece, and thankfully he didn't touch me again. But he threatened to kill me if I didn't get rid of my child. _My child_ Beca. He wanted him dead. I was angry once he'd left, angry at Andrei for thinking he still owned my body in any way, but also at Pieter for doing that to me. I felt he'd had no right to go behind my back, and so we had a blazing row when he got back. I refused to speak to him for days, but eventually I came around. I still refused to abort my baby, and instead I set up my maternity appointments, spoke to a mental health midwife and with Pieter's help I got all the support I could possibly need or want, to prepare for life as a parent. For a few short months it was actually somewhat pleasant. I hid in a little bubble of denial, focussing only on the feeling of my son growing and gaining strength inside of me. Every day I sang to him-"

"Lullaby..." Beca interrupted in a hushed voice.

"Ja." Nodded Sabine. "I remember he used to enjoy me singing to him. It would wake him up and he would stretch and wiggle, I could feel his little body softly curling into mine..." Her eyes became unfocussed as she was momentarily lost in brief times of bliss. Beca watched as the emotions crossed her face and an image flickered unbidden into her mind. An image of Sabine sitting in a rocking chair, a beam of sunlight creating a halo from her golden hair as she rocked slowly back and forth and stroked the soft curve of a baby-swollen belly, her voice singing that haunting melody that she would know even in her sleep. Her breath caught in her throat at the beautiful image, fresh tears stinging her eyes. She felt a pang of jealousy then, that she hadn't been in Sabine's life to witness such a time, the realisation that she may never get to see it, in her own house as her wife and mother to a child they'd had conceived in love instead of darkness.

Sabine looked at her curiously, but she just shook her head and indicated that the musician should continue. Thoughts like that couldn't be shared – certainly not at a time like this, if ever. The other woman began to speak again.

"And then one day, I made a mistake." The statement was simple enough but Beca sensed there was a much deeper meaning to it. "I'd finally gained enough confidence to leave the apartment on my own and in daylight. For months I'd been creeping around, having Pieter drive me places I needed to get to or only travelling at odd times. I didn't want to risk Andrei finding me and discovering the truth about keeping my baby. But one day I was overconfident, and wanted to get some things for his nursery. So I took a walk through the town to look in the baby shops. The sun was shining, I was finally feeling healthy, I felt positive and full of joy at what my future was bringing me." She gave a bitter little smile. "I should've known better." Beca, sensed another horrible twist coming in Sabine's story. "Of course, the one day I chose to go and live my life, Andrei managed to spot me. And obviously there was no mistaking the fact that I was still pregnant. I didn't see him coming, I was too distracted. He grabbed my arm as I looked in a shop window and managed to drag me away without making a scene." Memories flashed rapidly before Sabine's eyes and she began to tremble against Beca. "I'd hoped never to see that look in his eyes again after the first time, but there it was – the intent to kill me if he needed to. And honestly, I think that's what he intended that day." Beca ground her teeth together and made an animalistic noise deep in her throat, surprising Sabine. She looked to the smaller woman, eyebrows raised, but continued. "Well...I won't go into detail. But he beat me and left me for dead in that alley. I'm sure he thought I was, but he was wrong..."

 ***FLASHBACK** *

Sabine groaned and groggily lifted her head from the cold cobbles, her ears ringing and pain tearing through her. She's heard Andrei's rapid footsteps as he ran from the scene he'd caused, so she knew he thought she was already dead. She briefly wondered if maybe she was. She pushed herself up slowly, gasping harshly as pain ripped through her abdomen. One hand flew to a wall next to her as she doubled over in pain, crying out harshly. Warmth was flooding her thighs and when she tentatively lifted her long shirt out of the way, she saw bright red blood starting to blossom on her jeans. She howled in distress, knowing then that Andrei had irrevocably damaged her unborn son. Footsteps again sounded in her ears and she threw her hands up in front of herself, sobbing wildly, fearing more pain.

"No, please, no more! He's dying, oh god he's dying!" And she vomited then, her vision swimming violently. Soft hands gripped her forearms and a stranger's voice spoke to her, urgently asking her name and brief details of her pregnancy, which they echoed to another voice next to them. From what Sabine could tell, she'd made enough noise to attract attention and this was in fact someone trying to help her and not Andrei returning to silence her. She couldn't focus on anything else as another wave of pain tore through her, leaving her breathless and on her hands and knees. She had no idea what was happening any more and in that moment she prayed for death.

Sabine stared down into the incubator she was leaning on, taking in the tiny form within, covered in wires and tubes that were feeding him, breathing for him and keeping him alive. He was absolutely perfect and without even thinking about it she began to sing his lullaby to him, hoping he would be able to hear his mama. A tear escaped her eye and splashed onto her son's artificial womb. She was being eaten alive inside, knowing that she should still be carrying him, that she'd failed him when he needed her the most. Her empty belly ached to have him still growing inside where he belonged instead of struggling on his own in the cruel outside world. She sniffed and wiped her eyes, sighing heavily.

A white coat slipped into the edge of her vision and Sabine startled, snapping her head up to take in a full view of her intruder. It was the consultant who'd been charged with her care, and she allowed herself to relax ever so slightly.

"Ms Engel?" He asked cautiously. She only nodded in response, staring warily at him. "How are you today?" He asked. She scoffed at the stupidity of his question and he acknowledged its insensitivity. "I know," he conceded, "it's a silly question, but we have to ask." He paused, shuffling the papers on his clipboard unnecessarily, trying to settle in the uncomfortable situation. He tentatively made eye contact with her. "I realise now probably isn't a good time, but we need to talk about...well, about you."

Sabine couldn't stop her eyebrows from raising in surprise at that. "What do you mean, 'about me'?" She asked. "There's nothing to say or know, he is what's important now." She indicated her tiny son in his incubator.

"I accept that you feel that way Ms Engel, but unfortunately we cannot let this lie." He glanced at her battered face, one eye black and swollen, cuts everywhere, lips purple and split in several places and he knew from the photos in her file that she was covered in heavy black bruises all over her body, particularly her abdomen. Several of the marks were distinct shoe prints where she'd been savagely kicked. He and many of his staff had been horrified at the state of her and marvelled that she was still alive, much less her baby son. Despite the state of her face, her chin was raised in proud defiance and he could see the queen beneath the injuries. Humbled, he continued. "The police would like to take a statement from you."

Her breath caught in her throat. "I don't want to talk to them." she stated curtly. She had no time to worry about anything else, and she feared that involving the authorities would definitely end in her body being found several months from now in a shallow grave in the woods somewhere. Her consultant frowned at her.

"I would urge you to consider it at least Ms Engel. They can deal with whoever did this to you, they have evidence, they just need your statement to go with it and they can convict."

"What do you mean, they have evidence?"

"There were witnesses, the two who found you saw your attacker running away. I really think-"

"I don't care what you think!" Snapped Sabine, causing him to fall silent. She sighed a moment later and pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers, realising that his words were starting to make sense. "...I'll think about it. Give me today, and I'll know whether I want to give a statement or not." The consultant nodded and went to inform the plain-clothes police that had been surreptitiously stationed outside of the room.

Sabine turned back to her son, the numerous machines in the NICU beeping and whooshing around her as other sick babies fought to live, while worried parents or caring nurses looked on. It was hell on earth for her, not being able to touch him. Her arms ached for the comforting weight of her baby and she missed all of the simple little things she'd daydreamed about – holding him close in a cuddle, sniffing his baby smell in the soft blonde tufts of his hair, inspecting the tiny fingers and toes, a plump little hand resting on her breast as he fed...all of those had been snatched away from her in just a few short minutes of rage and violence.

A fire welled up inside of her then. She focussed on her son's tiny chest as it rose and fell, his sparrow-like ribs stretching the fragile skin, the tell-tale darkness and translucency of prematurity making her heart ache all over again. She clenched her fists as her resolve strengthened and she strode from the room to look for the officers she knew would be nearby.

Tears welled uncontrollably in Sabine's eyes as she held her son for the first and last time, his tiny frame cradled against her bare chest. The NICU nurse beside her put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently, her own eyes damp. There was a pause for a few moments and then, finally, Sabine nodded wordlessly. The nurse carefully pulled at the tape on his face, and with an efficiency that surprised Sabine despite the current situation, she swiftly withdrew his breathing and feeding tubes. She backed away then, giving Sabine the time she needed to say goodbye.

She tucked his tiny body higher up, so that their hearts were beating against each other and hoped he would feel comfort at last. With his face free of tape, tubes and masks, she could see his delicate features, destined to be so like her own. Images flashed rapidly through her consciousness, of a sweet one year old blowing out his first birthday candle. A chubby little two year old with white-blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, laughing as he ran on sturdy little legs away from his chasing mama. A stubborn three year old riding his first balance bike. A stoic four year old standing tall in front of his preschool as his proud mama took a picture for posterity. Cold winter evenings spent snuggled up on a couch with hot popcorn and a cosy film together. Day trips everywhere so he could explore and learn about the world around him as his mother guided him gently. All these things she had promised him, and now she felt that she'd failed him. So she held him as tightly as she dared and sang his lullaby to him, as his erratic little breaths became laboured and then eventually he gave a last sigh. She felt the very moment he left her forever, his body stilling with a terrifying finality.

And then she splintered entirely, into a thousand thousand shards of agony. An inhuman scream swelled up in her chest and roared from her, before she descended into wracking sobs, her sorrow overwhelming her entirely. Her hands cradled her dead son to her as she cried out, feeling her heart breaking over and over again, knowing she could never be whole while a part of her was to be taken away so cruelly.

The nurse allowed her as much time as she needed, and when her voice was hoarse and she'd run out of tears, she went then to start the preparations for Sabine's baby boy to be bathed and laid out. Sabine had shed every emotion possible with each tear that had fallen and now was an empty shell, nothing left inside of her to feel or think. She followed the nurse with her little boy still in her arms, not knowing how she would ever be able to let go and hand him over.

*END FLASHBACK*

Beca held a sobbing Sabine against her own chest, stroking her hair and weeping silently. Her heart was breaking for the woman she cradled and she wasn't sure at this point how to fix it.

After a while, Sabine stilled in Beca's arms and then sat up, wiping her palms across her face to get rid of the tear stains she knew would be there. She took a deep, steadying breath.

"I couldn't bury him in the end, I couldn't face the thought of putting him in a dark hole in the ground and having to leave him. So I had him cremated and...well..." She ran her hands through her hair, looking nervous now. Beca made a slight noise to encourage her to go on. "I...keep his urn with me. It will sound so strange, I know. And maybe creepy to anyone who isn't me. But...I feel like he will always need his mama." She suddenly looked very awkward and pulled away from Beca. "I realise that makes me seem-"

But Beca interrupted her with a quiet "Shh." The two woman made eye contact then and Beca set a gentle hand against Sabine's cheek. "It doesn't make you seem like anything more than a mother. A good mother, at that." Sabine briefly rested her forehead against Beca's, eyes closed.

"Thank you." She whispered. They stayed like that for several minutes, until Beca broke the contact.

"What happened to Andrei? Did you put in your statement to the cops?"

Sabine nodded, closing her eyes tiredly. "Yes. I recorded my statement, to be used against him. I couldn't face seeing him again, but they said they could use the video instead. They were right, and he was imprisoned." Beca sat up in surprise.

"They actually managed to put him away?"

"Indeed. I was surprised also, but they took both attacks into consideration, and once the trial for his conviction began, other women came forward to testify. They'd been called in based on victim statements they'd filed in the past. Mine was the most severe though, apparently. Because of Leander, they charged him with attempted murder against me and a full murder charge for him. It was a good judge, that day."

Beca frowned briefly. "Leander?" She questioned. Sabine merely nodded.

"My son's name. I had him christened in the hospital not long after he was delivered, and I chose a name with strength in the hope that it would help him to fight."

Beca made a small noise of recognition and then was silent for a short while. But then something else occurred to her. "What about Pieter?"

Sabine's head rose suddenly and her eyes flashed open. "What do you mean?"

Beca was slowly putting things together in her head and she said to Sabine- "Why did he and the rest of DSM do a memorial video for you and Leander?" There was silence as the blonde stared hard at Beca. "Why does Pieter think you're dead?" She asked in a whisper.

After a moment, Sabine sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. Resting her forehead in them so she could speak, she explained slowly. "Pieter was beside himself after everything with Leander. There was no hiding the attack from him, he was listed as my next of kin so the hospital contacted him immediately. I've never seen that look in Pieter's eyes before and I never wish to see it again, not because of me. So...I didn't tell him about the court case. He found out after seeing the result on the news. When I was discharged from hospital I'd run away, I couldn't face any more, certainly not going back to my old life as though nothing had happened. And I couldn't face Pieter, couldn't bear to see any more pain in his eyes. He'd been sending messages to my phone, but I left them unanswered. And one day he simply sent one saying "I'll miss you forever Sabie, I wish I could have saved you. One day, Andrei will pay for you and Leander." It occurred to me then that he assumed the murder charge brought against Andrei meant me, and that's why I was missing. I can't say I fault his logic, and it gave me the chance for a fresh start. After that I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth. After everything I'd already put him through, it was too much to expect to be forgiven this time."

"But what about your family?" Beca asked incredulously. Sabine just shook her head.

"Pieter was my family." No further explanation was forthcoming, so Beca left it alone then. The two had been sitting for what felt like hours now as Sabine told Beca everything. Now only silence remained, and it frightened Sabine. She drew the bed sheet around herself more tightly and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry for burdening you with all of this Beca. But I feel as though I've been living a lie for so long now...I feel at least a little lighter for talking about it at last." She still didn't look at her lover, but she reached out for a hand that willingly folded itself into her palm. "Thank you for listening." She whispered, closing her eyes.

Beca drew Sabine to herself and pulled her down onto the bed, pulling a heavy blanket over the two of them and wrapping herself tightly around the blonde. She tucked the golden head under her chin and Sabine lay her ear over Beca's heart, listening for the steady, strong thud she craved.

"You did the right thing telling me." Beca said quietly. "And...and I want you to know that I'll always be here for you. You don't have to worry about anything. I think you're afraid I'll think badly of you for some reason over everything you've told me. But I don't." She stroked the soft waves of hair and hugged the other woman closer. "I think you're incredibly brave. The strongest person I've ever met. And I think..." She paused, gulping a little at what she was about to say next.

"I think I love you."


End file.
